Who Says I Have to Grow Up?

The fun thing about having kids is that you get to ACT like one, sometimes even in public. I took Son to see Little Bear live on stage the other day. Sitting in the vast auditorium with all the other parents and kids-under-5, and of course, my son, we had a blast. We yelled and called out for characters when told to do so, we waved our star wands (fibre optic lighted wands), sang and danced with the songs....I mean, come ON! How often do you get to scream like a fool at the end of a show, deep, philosophical comments like "BYE CAT! BYE DUCK! BYE OWL! BYE EMILY! BYE LITTLE BEAR! BYE ZEPHYR!" and not have people looking at you as if you've spilled your brains out along the highway somewhere.
Speaking of which....getting there was not fun. There had been a several car pileup along the highway on the way to the show. Three lanes of traffic squeezed down to one while the police, fire engine, tow trucks, and squished cars got themselves all sorted out. I pity the poor policeman that had to plant himself in the middle of the highway, in the dark, and try to not only direct these three lanes of traffic into one, but also try not to get hit by the fools who were trying to pass the accident without looking for him. I mean, I was going something like 5kph, and even *I* had trouble seeing him. The show people were very smart....they postponed the start of the show by about 15 minutes to allow for us poor people who got stuck on the highway to squeak through and get there. Little kids are not known for being particularly understanding about things like "Gee, I'm sorry, you missed the first part because of the traffic".
Speaking of bears and animals and such, our animals are sure costing us a lot of money these days! We had to take Dog in to get a shot so she is allowed to stay in the kennel over Christmas. That was not cheap. And Big Cat has to go in for surgery next week because he has a lump on his leg. The surgery and the following analysis of said lump is going to run us about $450. Ouch! But he's our sucky baby, so we are going through with it, and obviously hoping it won't turn out to be cancer.

I Just Couldn't Do It!

Anyone who knows me knows I don't like the cold weather.
Today was day 3 of a cold snap....the basic temperatures aren't TOO bad, based on winter (I think it was about -20C this morning), but the wind bites pretty hard. (It's ranged between -31 and -40C)
I got up this morning to do my papers (121 today), not feeling my best. Got dressed and dragged my butt out there, in a parka, wool socks, boots, gloves, ski mask type hat. Drove to the pick up location. No papers. So I climbed back into the car to wait, still not feeling great. I sat there for about half an hour, maybe a bit more, before the truck came and dumped off the bundles....11 bundles of 10, 1 bundle of 11. I shakily got out of the van and went to load them up into my vehicle...got about 4 bundles loaded and just stopped and stared at them for a minute. I was so cold and miserable I couldn't even think. Even dressed as I was, even having sat in the car, my toes and fingers were in deep pain from being frozen.
I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't. So I unloaded the 4 bundles again, called the office and left a message that I was sick. Came home and sent an e-mail to my boss-of-the-week, letting him know I had called in sick, and asking for a smaller route instead, for future days, as cold, timing, snow, and health have been causing problems for me, mostly in terms of finishing on time.
I sat at the computer for an HOUR....and was still frozen. So I filled the tub with water as hot as I could stand (which is pretty hot, I might add) and hopped in. I soaked for at least half an hour....and when I got out, I was STILL frozen in the middle!
It is now 4 hours since I got home, 2 1/2 hours since the bath. I am still a bit chilly, exhausted beyond description, stiff jointed, my muscles are fatigued and sore....and I didn't even DO anything!
I was talking with Husband about how my job (which I have been doing on and off for at least 5 years, minus maternity leave and several weeks of time off due to injury of a wrist and stitches in an ankle)just doesn't seem to be working for me anymore. I used to enjoy it, now I dread it every day. He gave me an option....with a big contract he got recently, if I forego getting my clunker of a car in the spring, then as soon as he gets paid for this contract, I can quit. I am thinking this will be a good idea....I will get full nights of sleep instead of a short sleep plus a nap, and I will have that extra time to work on keeping the house the way it should be and to spend more time with the kids and Husband....and I think it will definitely reduce my fatigue level, boost my health, likely help my mood and my interactions with others....all in all, I'm thinking it would be worth it to stay a one-car-family for awhile longer, in trade for my sanity and health, and focus on being a stay-at-home mom full-time for awhile.
I hope he gets paid quickly.

I Forgot!!!!

I just realised, thanks to an e-mail from a friend, that I never posted about how the show went! Oops!
The show went really well. We had 304 people in the audience, and it seemed to be well received, based on the comments people got afterwards.
Daughter and her friends did a wonderful job as the "Kidz Chorus" and have begged to be allowed to do something like this again. I wholeheartedly agree....they were a great addition to the show and did such an amazing job.
We older folks had a great time, too, and other than the fact that the lighting guys had no clue how to run the lights properly, despite the technical run through the night before, I think it went forward without a hitch. It certainly flew by, time wise! We reached the intermission, and as we were changing, were panicking, thinking maybe we had forgotten a song or something. It was an absolute blast, and my double quartet did a great job of "Silent Night"....my debut as a tenor (I am a lead in the chorus).
Coming up in a few weeks, we (the chorus) are singing at a seniors' home and at the Rotary Carol Festival....it's too bad that one or more of our double quartet will not be coming, or we would have been singing a song at the home! Oh well....maybe the next performance.
I had a few parts where I was out front, ahead of most of the chorus. It was a lot of fun. My first part was as a drunk person hanging out with others in a pub. Considering that is soooooo far from my reality, it was a real hoot, swaggering and swaying as we sang "Oom-Pah-Pah". The second part, right after, I was an orphan, again part of a small group, singing "Where Is Love".

Now....HOW ABOUT THOSE RIDERS!!!!!!!! Woo-hoo!!!!!! We went to a Grey Cup watching party at church last night, where they had it projected on the basement wall and big screens in the sanctuary. Pot luck supper and football. :)
We were hooting and hollering and cheering and groaning....it was a real blast. We were a little concerned at the beginning, and it was a very close game in the end (and for those who don't know, there is a HUGE ongoing rivalry between the Bombers and Roughriders, so the fact they were playing each other for the Grey Cup was excitement enough to start with!), but we sure are proud of our team! They played their hearts out and it paid off. :)
Husband already has his ticket for Grey Cup next year, so all of you out East, get ready, because we are COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Tonight's The Big Night, Julius! Tonight's the Biiig Night!

I always loved the bird saying that particular line in the original "Nutty Professor", the one with Jerry Lewis.
And tonight IS the big night! Tonight Daughter and I take the stage and perform our hearts out for an audience that could be as large as 1000, I think. I can't remember how many seats the theatre has, and I don't know how many tickets were sold and/or how many people are buying them at the door. I do know there will be 4 people in the audience who I sold tickets to. And with 40-something other members of the chorus, plus parents of the "Kidz Choir" (and grandparents, relatives, etc), there are bound to be at least 150, at the most pitiful. (And I highly doubt it will be that small of an audience.)
Daughter is kind of nervous, especially after last night's technical run-thru where she discovered we are having spotlights and such pointed at us at various points. But they have worked so hard, and they are bound to steal the show from us so-called professionals. After all, who can resist a bunch of kids in pj's, holding stuffed animals, and singing really well? :)
I must admit I am not nervous....not yet, anyway. After 6 rounds of competition and 3 or 4 shows, plus the yearly performances at seniors' homes and the carol festival, plus the paid (and unpaid) performances we get now and then, nerves don't really play a big part anymore. We've practiced, we have beaten the songs and choreo and timing and staging to death by this point. We know it, it's ready, if we mess up, oh well. Besides, we also learn how to fake it when something goes wrong so hardly anybody notices if we do. And if they do notice, people are generally good enough to shrug it off and let it slide. It's going to be a lot of fun tonight. I love singing, and I have a little bit of time in the spotlight, though obviously not by myself. It's a big night for me. If we can pull off our little spotlight moment, a number of us have the chance to go on and perform again, together, in future performances, and potentially eventually go on to perform for events! This is apart from the big group, so as I said, this is major stuff for us (and me)....I love it!

What a perfect choice!

I took Daughter to the movies today. We both wanted to see "Mr Bean's Holiday". Now, we went to that one because we liked his silly antics, and were in the mood for mindless giggles. So we arrived, bought our popcorn, junior mints, and drinks, and waited. Much to our surprise, it was the perfect movie for more than the reason we had expected...
The basic plotline is that Mr Bean wins a vacation to Southern France, things go wrong, as they always do, and his trip is much more complicated than he anticipated, but he is determined to get there.
We all know Mr Bean really doesn't say much more than a few muttered lines, most of his work is of the physical nature. But what about the other characters in the movie? To our delight, we found ourselves watching a movie that was essentially in French, with subtitles! For Daughter, who is in French Immersion, it was a real treat, because she got to watch a movie in French, but was still able to understand because her reading is sufficient enough to catch most of the subtitles. For me, I just love French, period, and didn't need the subtitles unless somebody spoke really fast or mumbled.
We both drove home happy, chatting back and forth in a mixture of English and French, with Daughter begging to be allowed to speak only French with me. I, of course, explained that wasn't going to work, since she didn't quite have the vocabulary to do so....but that we could certainly speak in French once in awhile, and eventually she would understand most, if not everything, I would say to her.
I'm sure Husband would appreciate our not always talking in French as well, as he is not really a languages sort of guy,so doesn't know a lot of French, and would probably start worrying that we were plotting a hostile takeover behind his back, in front of his face. LOL
My review of the movie, by the way...it's really good. If you like Mr Bean in any way, shape, or form, definitely see this film. It's cute, it's funny, and it really does have a storyline to it, beyond the getting to Southern France part.

I Did My Part

Yesterday was the provincial election. I put in my vote, and although my candidate did
not win in my riding, the party won the election. I am very happy about this. I am hoping this new premier will be able to keep his promises, and that things will improve in certain areas. At the very least, it is good to have some fresh ideas and new people to take a stab at running this wonderful place we live in. For it IS a wonderful place to be, it is beautiful....it just needs a bit of housekeeping to make it run even smoother. It was nice to see that so many people actually took the initiative this time to give their say. A lot more people voted this time than last time. It is good to see that people are getting out of the mindset of "why bother, my vote will not change anything" (my apostrophe isn,t working today)...in some ridings the results were very close that just a few people COULD have changed the results if they had simply chosen not to vote.
I have a full blown head cold today...got it from my poor family, 2 of which are down with bronchitis. I looooooove Vicks Vaporub. And Buckleys. Yes, Buckleys. I love that stuff. I seriously don't understand why everyone says it's so bad!
The kids are now home from school for a 5 day weekend. Luckily for me, it snowed last night. :) They are happily frolicking around the backyard with Dog while I get a few things done. When they tire of that, maybe I'll get them (hey! it's working again!) to play on the Wii or something, and then Daughter can watch Belle et la Bete, which she borrowed from the library. She's doing great with her French.
I have created a new plan for my days, to help myself get back on track (in combination with an herbal supplement that boosts your mood). If I can follow it, even loosely, I should hopefully have the house clean and running smoothly in a couple of weeks, and be feeling more rested, too. I get to be a kid and take naps after lunch. Hee hee.
Anyway, I'd better get going on following this plan of mine....running a bit off schedule. Today I hope to get the upstairs, maybe minus the kitchen, done before lunch. Wish me luck! :)

Sick and tired...

of being sick and tired. I have not been feeling well for about a month now. Up and down, between colds, coughs, general feeling green, aches, pains, exhaustion...some days are better than others. Today is not one of them. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I had cancer or something, because then I'd have a definite SOMETHING to blame it all on....but then I retract that thought because nobody REALLY wants cancer.
I think this is my version of a mid-life crisis. I have no energy, no motivation to do the stuff I need to be doing, no "oomph". I don't enjoy doing papers anymore, I don't want to cook, clean, eat, or do anything at all. I want to sleep forever, or at least for about 3 days straight, not have to worry about the kids, Husband, Dog, or cats, not have to do ANYTHING. Every muscle and joint in my body hurts. Emotionally I'm feeling a little tender, but that's also related in part to the feeling sick, sore, and tired.
But I don't get to take a day off. It's not in the job description of Mom/wife/homemaker/substitute paper carrier. If I don't do the job, the world crumbles. Kids don't get fed/dressed/off to school, house doesn't get cleaned, dishes don't get washed, laundry doesn't get done, animals don't get cared for, people don't get their papers on time and I get the complaints when I return to work, even though it was somebody else doing the papers on the day they are complaining about. And of course if I don't work, I don't get paid, and as Husband has made fairly clear, if I want a rust bucket to drive around in the spring, I have to work forever. If I don't get the rustbucket, I still have to work until April. I feel trapped.
On top of home life is everything else. It's like that song on "Oklahoma".....I'm just a girl who can't say no. I am the one who takes Dog to obedience class, I help lead the singing on Sundays every few weeks, which means a practice on Wednesday nights, then being at church 9:30 Sunday for a run through, getting out at 12:30 (at which point we have a quick-ish lunch and then drive Daughter to her chorus practice at 2) and having to be back again at 5:30 for the evening service which goes until about 8. If Husband is working, I have to get Daughter to Sparks one night a week. The kids have gymnastics once a week. I have chorus practice for 3 hours each week. I am on the Board, so that's another evening gone each month. I recently put together the programme for the upcoming show. I have been asked to help with Membership, I am going to be helping with the fitness challenge at chorus. I'm getting to the point where I wish I could just tell everyone, including my household, to just screw it, and then just walk away. But that wouldn't be very nice, now would it? Oh well. Maybe one of these days I'll snap and they'll put me in a mental hospital where I can get some rest. Insanity never sounded so good.

We-Are-Fa-mily

On a day like today, when I am coming down with something like the flu, it's always nice to find something happy to talk about. Today is just a short one. This summer, i was privileged to attend a family reunion. Coming from a small family (Mom, Dad, 4 grandparents, 1 uncle, 1 aunt, 2 cousins, 2 siblings, I had to marry into a big family to attend one. :) It was a lot of fun, and I got to be a part of the family photo. I will attach it for your pleasure. :)

Sorry if it's sideways....if I figure it out, I'll fix it later.

Dog Training 101

Well, last night was our first class of dog training. It certainly was an experience, and explained a lot about our dog as well.
The first thing the teacher had us do was to curb our instinct and just let the dogs of the class interact with each other uninhibited. That was hard, especially when you end up with two dogs having a disagreement. And one of those dogs was mine.
Basically what was happening was that the dogs were all meeting and greeting each other, and establishing pecking order. There were 5 dogs in all. Lowest on the totem pole was a big german shepherd. She wouldn't even come into the class, the other dogs had her so scared. Next up was a golden retriever who basically lay down in submission, tail tightly under her, in front of all the rest. Third was a little "puddle" (half pug, half poodle....actually a cute dog) who didn't really assert herself too much, but wasn't cowering much either. Second place went to a bull terrier (remember Spuds Mackenzie?) who thought he was the top dog and wanted everyone to know it....but top dog went to our silly thing. She wasn't having any of it. I am ashamed to say my furry daughter gave a classmate a bloody nose on her first day of school. LOL.
My dog was top dog and she was not about to back down. Morris (second place) kept jumping up to try to get her to submit, trying to get his head above hers. She just jumped up right with him, placed her paws on his back, and smushed him into the floor with her feet until he rolled to the side in submission. Over and over this scene played, until finally he stayed down with her having one paw on his shoulder....but he did get a bloody nose in the process because they did have a brief growl-bite-and-scratch argument amidst the jumping and holding down for submission. It was VERY obvious that our dog was the dominant one, and everybody, dog, owner, and trainer could see it. Morris, however, is stubborn, and kept trying to argue the point, to no avail. *grin*
The fact that she sees herself (and has proven herself) as top dog explains a lot of her behaviour, both towards me and towards the cats. We had originally thought she was a bit thick, that as much as the cats yowled and growled and swiped and protested, she just kept trying to get them to play....now we see it's actually an ongoing battle for rank...the cats saying "we are dominant", and Dog saying "No you're not" and back and forth like little kids....
yesiam-noyou'renot-yesiam-noyou'renot-yessiam-noyou'renot. LOL
And with me, she still needs to learn that *I* am the Alpha female around here. Heh heh
She is doing quite well, considering, for just one 1-hour class. I can now get her to lie down on command for treats. It's a start. We still have to work on walking with a loose leash and the "leave it!" command. Next week, I believe we start work on keeping them from jumping up. I sure hope it works!
Well, back to house cleaning and such.
Oh! For those of you wondering, Daughter actually did not fall on her head. Her teacher did not see the accident, so had been given false info by the others. She was doing a flip on the monkey bars at school, flubbed the dismount and smashed her face about eyebrow level into the bar on her way down. Big goose egg the first night, swelling the next day that made her unable to open her eye the whole way, which has disappeared and left her with a very colourful black eye that almost goes all the way around, but not quite. With 4 teeth missing (just from being the age she is) and the black eye, we told her she should be a hockey player for Halloween. She was less than impressed. LOL

I Told You So

Words every parent wants to say a million times over the years. But today is one of those days when we bite our tongues and give the sympathy that is so deeply needed. Daughter's teacher called a few minutes ago. During recess, Daughter was hanging upside down from the monkey bars and fell off.....onto her head. Husband has been phoned and sent off to pick Daughter up, because, according to her teacher, she has a nasty lump and is bruising up badly, and is really hurting.
I am worried. Very worried. Head injuries are not something to fool around with. I am hoping it will be nothing, but knowing it will be something....just how severe is the question.
She was told not to do that unless she was being watched/helped, until she got better at it. I guess she forgot. That's what happens at that age. So we will not say I told you so. Not this time. Not now, anyway.

I Wish

I wish for 8 hours of sleep in a row each night. What a wonderful dream....what a bunch of dreams I could have in that period of time. My sleep deprivation level is catching up to me. The past 2 years of getting up at 3:30-4AM, 6 mornings a week except the occasional day plus statutory holidays is wreaking havoc on my system. I am running on 6 or less hours of sleep a night, sometimes as little as 3 if it's a rough night.
Go to bed earlier you say? No can do....in order to get the required 8 hours, I would have to go to bed and be asleep before my kids even go to bed. Get up later? Nope. Have to be up at 3:30-4AM in order to be done on time. Nap? Nice wish? I have a zillion and one things to do each day, most of which I never even get done anyway, and each time I accidentally doze off, that is just that much less that gets done that day. I very rarely can stay awake for a one-hour tv show anymore. I zonk out partway through, and that quality of sleep is really bad, leaves me even more tired.
So I dream of a few years from now. Our finances will be better off, my paper money will not be needed, maybe by that time the kids will all be in school full time and I will get a day job, and then I can sleep normal people hours. I can go to sleep at 10 or 11 and get up at 6 or 7, and actually feel like I ACCOMPLISHED something, like I actually touched that vast well of exhaustion that is getting deeper and deeper at the present time. That will be really nice.
I have to find a decent way of bringing in some money while I stay at home with Son that does not require selling for commission or whatnot, like Melaleuca, Pampered Chef, Regal, or any web-based schmuck job, telemarketer, or whatever. Maybe I can make casseroles in individual servings and sell them, like a caterer. I dunno. I gotta get some sleep.

Beer

There's a title you don't expect to see in my blog, if you know me at all!
When I turned 18, I bought some "near beer" at the grocery store (and yes, the legal age where I was living at the time was 18). Hated it. Could not STAND it! Over the years I have not really been much of one for alcohol, sticking mostly to daquiris and pina coladas, fruity red wine, coolers. In the past few years, joining in with the pre-and post-competition parties with my roomies and chorus mates, I have expanded to Bailey's, Grand Marnier, and various other mixed drinks, but not on a grand scale, as my alcohol tolerance is pretty low. I tend to skip right over tipsy and go straight to "I don't feel so good". In a year, I probably have 4 or 5 drinks total, including competition time. But NOT beer.
Anyway, husband has joined a speech-makers group, where they learn about and practice making speeches. Husband, before I go any further, cannot have alcohol. At all. Not one drop. His liver is missing an enzyme that processes the alcohol, which meant his 18th birthday was spent in the ER...he had one beer with his friends and dropped like a stone at the table from instant alcohol poisoning.
Husband this week, needed a prop. Husband went to a liquor store and bought 2 cans of Molson Canadian cool shot! He is obviously never going to drink them, and I was somewhat curious as to why it is so popular when, in my memory, it was so bad. So with his permission (and his promise not to have any major injuries requiring me to drive him to the ER while I am under the influence), I cracked one open. Smelled it. Hmm...smells like beer, but actually doesn't smell that bad. Poured it into a glass. Looks like...well....beer. Deep breath and take a sip. Hmm....it....actually wasn't too bad! I guess "near beer" (aka .5% beer) is quite different from the real thing. So I sit here, typing a blog about beer while I slowly drink it down. My conclusion is this: It's not as bad as I thought it was, by a long shot. To a certain extent, it's kinda good. If everyone I am with is having a beer (and I have a ride home with hubby who I KNOW can be trusted as a designated driver), I might have one, too....but just one. But it still isn't something i am going to make the effort to go out and GET. I would MUCH rather have my pina coladas and such. But beer has moved up a couple of notches in my esteem. Here's to you, beer. Don't get all proud of yourself, though....you still aren't THAT great. :)

Where IS Everybody?

I have this neat little thing for my blog....it tells me how many people have checked out my blog on any particular day. My numbers have been extremely low lately. Everyone's off desperately trying to catch the last dregs of fall, I guess, before we head into the long, dark, cold weather. I don't blame them.
I've also noticed nobody is ever on Windows Live messenger, or very much on Facebook either (yes, i am addicted, but for the most part, I'm just continually looking to see what my friends are up to and see if i can reconnect with any other old friends).
As a stay-at-home mom who finds these ways of connecting with friends to be as refreshing as a drink of cold water, this leaves me high and dry....and awfully lonely. Some of you may say (and have in the past)that the friends that really matter are the ones you talk to on the phone and get together with on a regular basis....and to a certain extent, this is true....but I also have a lot of very close friends with very busy schedules, a crummy phone plan, and who live 3 provinces away. They are no less good friends, and these methods (Facebook, Windows Live, etc) help us stay in touch so that when I travel THERE or they travel HERE, we will not have to do a lot of time-wasting catching up and shock at how much the other person has changed, and can just go straight into the enjoying the visit, hanging out, and all that sort of stuff.
Well, when winter sets in and people start making their way back to communication on the computer, I'll be here for you all, just waiting. In the meantime, i think I need to go off, rest, and hope I stop feeling so green. (Have not been feeling well the past few days)
Oh, and for those Facebook people out there.....be careful....I've been scunnered by a few people's FunWall posts....some NASTY pics and videos out there!

How Can I?

I know somebody. This somebody has in the past done something bad. This somebody promised me it was not going to happen again, I could trust this person. This somebody broke that trust once again, but tried to minimize it by explaining they had not done ALL that they had done before, just a portion of it.
How can I trust this person? This person has shattered my trust over and over, and I am in little pieces right now. I can't do this! I can't keep going through this over and over.
I KNEW something was up, something in the back of my mind said so, but I ignored it, put it aside as paranoia and blamed myself for doubting...and my little voice was right! I am so disappointed and hurt and angry and shattered and shaking....I can TOTALLY understand what can drive people to drink, to try to drown their sorrows. I, however, haven't got the money to try.
So much for climbing out of my depressive slump. I give up.

What would you do?

What would you do if you theoretically had a secret....something that in a sense you wished to tell somebody, but at the same time dreaded anybody finding out? Would you tell somebody and risk the consequences? Would you just keep it to yourself and hope nobody finds out? Do you hope somebody finds you out to get it off your chest, or do you do whatever it takes to keep it a secret so everybody stays happy and nobody gets mad?
Just a point to ponder, get some comments flowing maybe.

Absolute Humiliation

I have never been so humiliated in my whole life.
I woke up at 3:30 to do a 142 paper route, came home, climbed into a hot bath and almost fell asleep in there, prevented only by Son continually yelling through the door. Still feeling depressed, more so after staring into the mirror for a long time before I got in the tub.
Went to a ladies' breakfast at church....they were drawing names for secret sisters today. Anyway. I arrive, and sit down at a table with 5 or 6 others. Some lady i don't even KNOW comes bouncing up, and in a huge voice says "SO! I hear you are expecting?!?!?"
-No, I quietly answer.
-No?
-No! I'm not!
-Are you sure?
-YES! I am NOT pregnant!
-Oh! Well, somebody told me you were!
-No! I'm NOT PREGNANT!
-Oh. Well...I was told you were!
-*silent shaking of head as I try to control my emotions*

That has pretty much shattered my day.
A) somebody looked at me and said "hmm, I do believe that woman is pregnant!"
B) That somebody felt the need to TELL somebody I was pregnant without asking me first
C) This lady who she told has a very loud voice and drew a lot of attention
D) This lady didn't have the grace to back down and try to preserve some shred of dignity for me, and somehow felt the need to argue with me about something I really ought to know about, after all, I do live in this body and know what is and is not possible.
E) In order for her to keep at the topic, I obviously look bad enough for people to feel they are justified in trying to convince me I am pregnant.
Definitely NOT what I needed today. Couldn't feel much worse if I tried. Feel so bad I even feel too bad to cry. Couldn't cry even if i wanted to.

Mayday! Mayday!

Aaand my old nemesis kicks in. Hellooooo depression. Not sure why, not sure how, since I KNOW i wrote a very happy post earlier today....but right now I am super depressed and lonely and just HUMMING with the emotion that comes with it and has no name.
I am trying to stay "sane" for the kids' sakes, as it is just them and I for the evening as Husband is off making our millions. But little things bother me, I get really easily annoyed by them when I get like this. I'm not a danger to them....I just might yell needlessly at them over some little thing, and then of course they will be sad and I will feel a million times worse.
Maybe I will crawl into bed as soon as their bedtimes come and go, maybe with sleep it will at the very least ease up so I don't hit a crisis level. I hate this.
Does anybody else ever get like this? I feel like people must think I'm some annoying freak when this comes on.
And for all your sakes, I will stop typing now, because we all know how I will ramble, complain, whine, and self-depreciate in this state.
Hang in there....this plane is going down. Hopefully the landing gear will pop out before I crash and burn.

Me and my Tunes

For my birthday, I received an iTunes card. Until yesterday I had no clue how to use it, and would only have been able to download them to my computer anyway....but Husband had won himself an iPod awhile back, and then got one through his parts supplier. He lost the smaller of the two, but it finally turned up, months later, yesterday, between the bed and the wall. This meant I now had an iPod. A little, itty bitty square one in my favourite colour....green. This is a marvel to me. This is technology that goes beyond me. What can I say, I'm kinda simple when it comes to technology.
In any case, I fired up the computer, figured out (through Husband) how to get songs with the card, and downloaded for myself 19 songs (on a $20 card).
Husband laughs at me because my choices were incredibly diverse, and so when I plugged my iPod into some speakers so everyone could hear, some songs were a bit of a shock, going from one to another (as in, a slower song would play, and then jump into a really fast, techno-beat, run on a treadmill kind of song.).
But I am thrilled with my choices, having procured songs from some of my favourite artists, and in the majority of them, they were songs I was looking for specifically. So today, as I scrubbed down the counters and filled the dishwasher, I boogied, sang, and in one case, cried, my way through my songs. The ones I chose, for those of you who are curious, are:
Amy Grant- Sing Your Praise to the Lord
- House of Love
- In a Little while
- Got to Let it Go
Michael W Smith- Cry for Love
UB40- I Can't Help Falling in love
- Red, Red Wine
Techno-exercise versions of-Wonderful World
-Somewhere Over the Rainbow
-We Will Rock You
-Puttin' On the Ritz
-I Just Called to Say I Love You
Unknown (to me)-Bing Bang
-Come On Baby, I Want To Party
Tim McGraw- Please Don't Take The Girl
- Live Like You Were Dying
Crazy Frog- We Wish You a Merry Christmas
- Jingle Bells
- Last Christmas

So, as you can see, I've been having fun. :)
Daughter is practicing for her appearance in our Sweet Adelines show in November (or will be when she gets home from school), I'm singing my stuff. Son is singing his little songs as he plays, and Husband sings along to his iPod songs, so when we all get going, I'm sure it's a horrible collision of sounds to anyone going by, if we had windows open.
I listened to my songs while I delivered papers on the two routes I had this morning....it was kind of nice to have an orchestra following me around. LOL. The only problem was that I couldn't sing along, both because it would sound really weird to the average passerby...and very few people want to hear somebody belting ou a song on their doorstep between 4 and 7AM.
I have re-started my weight-loss efforts today, with my head hung in shame. I am starting 3 pounds lighter than when I originally started in May....but about an inch thicker everywhere. Not a good thing. I haven't been getting to the gym lately, because if I did, Husband would have to get Daughter up and off to school on his own, and I would only see her when she got home from school. I have bought myself some of those cookie thins you see Colin Mochrie advertise on TV (those Oreo Thins and Chips ahoy ones), so hopefully if I'm going to snack, I can eat one of those and be satisfied until the next meal...and of course I need to watch my portions and drink a lot of water. The goal I have made with my friend is to lose 1 pound a week. No excuses. Following this plan, I will be where I am supposed to be in exactly a year, just in time to buy new clothes for my trip to Montreal and to wow all my old friends there with the new and improved me. :) At the very least, I want to fit in my old university stuff, which was size 12-13 at the most.
Well, off to let Dog in and set her loose on her latest Dino Bone. What an amazing thing THAT is! It's basically a cow leg bone. They don't splinter, they last her about a month of HEAVY gnawing (she is the sort of dog that can chew straight through a gigantic rawhide type and eat the whole thing in an hour), and keep her from getting into trouble, as without one, she will chew absolutely ANYTHING....couches, deck benches, plastic ANYTHING, stuffed animals.......

Mary Had a Little Lamb

With mint sauce.....or at least *I* did.
We decided, since we had been eating a lot of turkeys and chickens lately, to go for something different. So we trotted off to Superstore after a harrowing morning involving blowing a tire on a 100kph road and remembering that our jack had bitten the dust a few months back and we had forgotten to replace it. More on that in a minute...
anyway, we went to Superstore and bought a few things, including splurging on a small box of raw shrimp for Husband to get creative with, and the smallest leg of lamb I could find....approximately $15.50. Took all our groceries to the cash, where we were asked if we would like our PC points checked. What a wonderful discovery THAT was....we had forgotten that we had been collecting these points, and our $61.43 grocery bill suddenly became $1.43, because the points can be used in increments of $20. And we still have points left. Woo hoo!
The lamb was delicious. I haven't had lamb in at least a few years, and the way I cooked it was fabulous....put a few cuts into the meat, sprinkle the surface with lemon juice. Rub in a clove of minced garlic. Mix together 1 tsp of mint leaves, 1 tsp of basil, and some pepper. Rub this mix into the lamb. Place in dutch oven, on a small rack (toaster oven broiler pan rack works well), add about 3 cups of water to the bottom.Put the cover on. Bake at 325F for about 2 1/2 hours (it was about 4 pounds). It made not only a delicious, moist roasted leg, but made a fabulous gravy, too. Add mint jelly and it was a true feast, alongside our mashed sweet potatoes, mixed vegetables, salad, and pumpkin pie with whipped cream.
The shrimp, by the way, was made into a fabulous garlic shrimp and mushroom (and carrot, onion, and sticky rice) stir fry. Yum!
Now, back to our harrowing experience the other day. Good Samaritans are few and far between these days, and apparently so are people who know the protocol for passing stranded vehicles. We waited about half an hour for the tow truck to find us and put our spare on for us. In that time, only ONE truck stopped to see if they could help (and the poor guys discovered their jacks weren't working properly, either). Everybody else just kept on going, despite the fact it was blatantly obvious what the problem was. I guess we must be pretty scary. Ha ha.
Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE went roaring by at 100kph, including the 18-wheelers, which create quite a back breeze, let me tell you! The poor tow truck guy was getting a little nervous.....you are SUPPOSED to slow down to 60kph when passing something like that. And even if you ignore that blatant disregard for the law, it might be nice if you at least CHANGED LANES so you aren't breezing by 40kph too fast, inches away from the poor stranded people or the tow truck driver who is just trying to do his job, changing a tire on the driver's side. Where are the police when you need them? Give these people the fines they deserve....maybe people will get the hint and think a little bit more about the reason for these laws, and even if they don't, will at least follow the laws so they won't have to pay the fine again. I can't wait for cars to have a special chip in them that can read some sort of device that tells what the speed limits are, and will not allow the cars to go any faster than that. It would not only make things a lot safer, but would certainly reduce the issues the police have to deal with on a daily basis, including the horrible crashes you read about so often where speed was a factor.
Anyway...life goes back to normal tomorrow....Daughter goes back to school, hopefully we get our tire changed, finally, I will be back to delivering papers after a few days off with a back injury, and also back to cleaning, sorting, laundry, taking care of Son, and trying desperately to get a handle on Dog.

Let's All Get Training!!!!

This week has been full of suggestions for certain members of the family to get training.
Daughter is getting extra help at school to help her catch up on her French. This is a good thing, teaches her humility and a taste of the real world where not everything comes easily. I'm having fun brushing up on my French by reading her French bedtime stories. Soon we will try some French TV, maybe play the French version of some of her favourite DVDs, too.
Dog needs to go for training, too. At the end of the month. Obedience training. Having had no training in her first year of life, and being such a big dog, it's causing problems. She's a wonderful dog, but she is way too enthusiastic about....everything. She wants to play. Always. All day. Every day. With great energy. She jumps up and chases the cats, thinking they are playing tag. She jumps up to the table and steals food, she has destroyed plant pots, watering cans, a broom, all sorts of things in the backyard because she chews on them. She still doesn't have the hang of housetraining,and specializes in the submissive pee every time she gets in trouble as well. She needs to learn to listen and come when called, so we can let her loose in an off leash dog park and let her fly and burn off some of that energy. She is so eager for praise and attention, but her boundless energy has nowhere to go and she hasn't learned to control it yet. Should be fun for all of us, learning how to do things right.
Son's teacher has recommended that he go for speech therapy...he changes the first letter of each word, among other things, which makes him very hard to understand and frustrates him as much as it does everyone else that he can't get across what it is he wants to say. I agree with her wholeheartedly....to a certain extent, you never want to have to take your child for therapy....but if this will work, and he is able to get his point across more often, I think it will make life a whole lot easier for everyone. We shall see.

Marketplace

A witch hunt...that's what it was, purely and simply a witch hunt. And i am MAD!!!
Last night, my father in law phoned and told us to watch Marketplace. So we did. And as we watched, we just stared in shock and horror as they aired a show they titled with some catchy name like "Is the Computer Tech Ripping You Off?"
The premise of the show was that they set up hidden cameras and broke a very small part in a computer. They then called in 10 in-home computer techies, including a Doctor Dave tech who Husband actually knows. They had these young guys watching the footage, and commenting on the service and all, and, well, I could have just slapped them silly...they tore every single tech apart, and some of the things they said were either dead wrong, or made no sense. For example, this problem, they said, was easy to diagnose....so they tore a strip off the techs who got it wrong. Problem is, in the space of time in which these techs were making their diagnosis, in some cases, the wrong diagnosis was understandable. What they did NOT consider was that human error does occur, and given a bit more time, these techs most likely would have realised they were wrong and looked some more. For the record, our guy got the diagnosis right.....but they made him look bad by putting in some sound byte where he was making some noise. I don't know if he had been singing to himself or whatever, it really doesn't matter....they made it look like he was making strange noises to "talk" to the computer. Whatever.
Anyway, the biggest thing that bothered me had to do with the prices. I don't know what their source of prices was, but they were way off. Maybe they were looking at one of these cheapie websites where you get what you pay for, and there is no guarantee, no warranty, nothing. I don't know. But in every case, they said the Tech was overcharging the customer. Not once did they consider that the tech has to make a living. Not once did they consider that part of the cost was labour. Our guy tried to sell the customer a part that was much bigger in memory size, which, of course, did cost more than the smaller part....it held something like 4X more space or something. He didn't have the same size as the computer originally had. Why? Because that size part is hard to find, it's pretty much been phased out. The tech tried to explain that, but the narrator made it look like he was trying to screw the customer.
Basically, the whole show set out to prove that computer techs are out to scam you.They were even compared to used car salesmen! That's a low blow, and totally untrue.
Now, I am sure there are SOME techs who are out to gouge the customer and don't care about service and customer satisfaction, but I know for a FACT that there are a whole heck of a lot more who are NOT, and who are now going to suffer because of this show. Now we are going to get less calls, and a lot of the ones who DO call are going to harass Husband and accuse him of overcharging and all the rest.
Sure, it's good and cheap (comparatively) to buy the part and fix it yourself....if you can do it, all the more power to you.....but for the people who don't know how, and NEED someone to do it FOR the, come on! You HAVE to factor in labour and a small markup so the tech can feed his/her family!!!!!! We aren't out to get people. We are NOT scamming people. At least in the case of our company, our prices are fair, you get guarantees and warranties, our techs are TRAINED and know what they are doing....and if they make a mistake, they make it right!

My five rules for naming a kid

A friend of mine posed a challenge....he listed 10 questions, had each person pick one, and they must write a blog on this topic.
My chosen topic is the 5 rules for naming a child.
1. It must not rhyme with the kid's last name. This is just cruel. It doesn't allow the child any dignity....I mean come on....Mara O'Hara.....you're just asking for a kid with a complex.This child will be teased forever. A friend of mine even had a name change after she got married, as she would have ended up as Suzanne Vann.
2. No cute, play on word, or just plain weird names. Again, where is the dignity. Dweezle Moon Unit....Candy Cane....Mary Christmas....Cookie Crumble...Soda Pop Johnston....nobody is going to take you seriously. Probably this is why I was not allowed to name Son as Christopher Robin Johnston. I thought it would be cute, and I like Winnie the Pooh....but of course Husband vetoed that right off the bat. *grin*
3. If at all possible do NOT name the child after a family member....a father, grandfather, great grandmother twice removed. NOT a good idea. This is how rompin', stompin' family feuds begin because no matter how hard you try to justify the choice, SOMEBODY is going to get offended, and then someone else gets offended at that person who originally got offended, and....well....you get the idea.
4. Don't make the name too long. Unless you plan to shorten the name, or allow the child to pick one and ignore the others, do not name your child William Alexander Timothy Franklin Toby Aloysius Johnston the Third. Even William Alexander is a bit long when you think of the poor kid trying to learn to write his name in Kindergarten. If you MUST do this, then allow your child to go by Will, Bill,or Alex at school.
5. Do not close your eyes, open a name book, waggle your finger in the air while fanning the pages, driving your finger down and naming your child whatever name comes up....you will end up with a boy named Theresa Engelbert Johnston, or a girl named Buddy Bertha Johnston....use the book, sure, but look at what you are doing....and make sure you have a name for both a girl AND a boy (or plurals if it's multiples), because even if you go ahead and "find out" what you're having.....the doctor could be wrong. It happens. Rarely, but it happens.
Good luck to all of you out there actually being in a position of having to choose a baby name. And congratulations.

Was Blind, but Now I See

No, this isn't a rendition of "Amazing Grace"....
this past weekend, I got myself a new pair of glasses after, oh, probably 8 years. My old ones were really scratched, and my eyesight had worsened. We finally had enough to go to the optometrist,and get new glasses if needed, thanks to our home equity line of credit. I had no idea it was as bad as it was, though. I suspect my recent headaches and tiredness had something to do with the glasses. I picked them up on Saturday afternoon, took off the old ones and put on the new ones, and my reaction was to almost yell "Whoa!" aloud in the store (I didn't, though, just mentally thought so and then picked up Husband and spent 30 minutes trying to impress on him the difference....and to my frustration discovered he is unimpressable)...the difference was shocking....I could SEE!!!! I thought I could see okay in the old ones, but comparatively.....whoa! You know those Claritin Clear ads? Yeah. That was the difference between the two sets of glasses...it was as if I had been walking around in a heavy fog for a long time, and didn't even realize it because that was simply what I lived with, day by day, and it was a lot better than my eyesight without the glasses. So with these new ones, it's like popping new eyeballs in every morning....I can see better in the dark (except today, and that's a different story), I can see a LOT farther, things are MUCH clearer, colours are so much more vivid....it's AMAZING! I got new frames, so look a little different. I took a pic with the webcam, which didn't work out very well, but I will post it here anyway, to give a general idea anyway, until a better photo can be taken...

As I said....bad picture.
For those who are wondering about my comment about not being able to see today (and even if you aren't), this morning I was downtown, delivering papers in a not so great area of town. I was in a seniors' apartment building, on the 6th floor, just having pushed the elevator button...power goes out. Pitch blackness. I'm a little nervous....strange building, I don't belong there (aside from delivering the papers), I can't see, and I can't get out because the elevator won't work (that, and I still had 5 floors to deliver to). Lights came back on, I continue. I leave the building into....you guessed it....pitch blackness. And I mean PITCH BLACKNESS! The apartment complex had a generator to light the halls. Once outside, that light cannot be seen. There are no street lamps, no traffic lights, no house lights, no car lights. I know there are people walking around, but I can't see them. And it's a bad neighbourhood. I decide I'll try to fumble my way through the route (how I was going to figure out what the addresses were, I don't know), take a few steps into unknown territory....stumble because I can't see the dips and cracks and holes in the sidewalk....I can hardly see my hand in front of my face! Decide this is not worth it, turn around and stumble my way back to where I KNOW my car is parked. Feel it up until I find the key hole, get in, sit for a few minutes, and wonder what to do...I had to be home early so Husband could go off to a meeting, it was a new route, I had no idea where the addresses were, no idea how long it would take, and couldn't even do the other apartment building because that would require an electronic keycard which, you guessed it, would require electricity on the outside of the building. So I drove around a bit. Power was out in most of the city. I had a grand total of half an hour where I could see enough to read house numbers if I walked right up to the houses from the first scraps of dawn until I had to quit and get home. I managed to do (including the seniors' complex) 52 papers out of 116. Not good. But at least they (at the newspaper office) were understanding and ready to deliver them for me.
On the way home, the radio said that 60% of Saskatchewan had the power failure. Somebody must have messed up really badly somewhere!
Tomorrow I have a different route to cover. More apartments, but I think I've done it before....and this time I'm hunting down my flashlight before I leave home! I'd rather look like a burglar than be mugged by one!

Dying a slow death

That is what this blog seems to be doing. I started off as a real keener, posting every day, even if what I was posting was more diary than public interest.
But I have been busy....and distracted....and tired. Very, very, very, very tired.
The Dog has been keeping us busy, on again, off again with cooperating with the whole crate idea. When she's agreeable, she's in within a few seconds, but on days when she is not, she whines, howls, pees all over, runs crazily all over the house, bouncing wildly off furniture (and unfortunately several times off Son or Daughter), and it takes two of us literally picking her up and shoving her in to get her to go. And when the Dog happens to be over 60 pounds, this is no small feat! If I'm alone, I have had to abandon the effort and stick her outside on her rope, which results in her tearing the screen off the back door, breaking plant pots, and making a horrible ruckus what with her whining and barking and throwing herself at the door and scratching at it. But I can't just ignore her or she makes a mess on the carpets in the five seconds I am out of the room. Even if she's just gone.
Still getting up at 4AM to do papers and go to the gym before getting Daughter ready for school. The last few days have been absolute torture, though. I have had a never-ending headache and been so tired I could sleep all day and night if given the chance. To be quite honest, it's been so bad that I haven';t achieved nearly as much as I should have this week. Take today, for example...got to bed last night around 10:30. Up this morning, 2 routes, gym, home by 7:30. Get daughter off to the school bus for 8. Grab a cup of coffee, sit down for a few minutes to drink it and watch Fat Albert (the old 30 minute cartoon version) before starting on the daily cleaning...3 hours later, hubby is waking me up from a VERY uncomfortable position in the chair (luckily I finished the coffee before going unconscious). Took the Dog for a walk, came home, made lunch, ate it, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, took out the compost, and tidied the bathroom, and now I sit here quite honestly ready and willing to go to bed and sleep until tomorrow (it's 2PM). Husband has been complaining of the headache and fatigue since last night. We've got a CO2 monitor and everything, so it isn't that. The only thing I could find on the internet was Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, of which I have quite a few symptoms.....but I reserve judgement on that one for the time being, as I have a tendency to become slightly hypochondriacal.
Anyway, I will try to keep up with this blog a bit better, but if I don't....I'm probably asleep.

Back To School

Well, time has once again flown. According to the date on my last blog, I was away from this page for about a week and a half. It's been a very busy time.
The Dog is settling in quite nicely, though she is incredibly energetic and enthusiastic in her love for everyone and everything. The Cats are not nearly as impressed with the new addition and take every possible opportunity to try to explain this fact to the dog, who is, very amusingly, absolutely clueless. The harder The Cats hiss, spit, yowl, growl, and slash, the more she thinks they are playing and so tries to get them into a rousing game of tag. Tail wagging, barking, lunging playfully, running away and back, tongue hanging halfway to the floor....if it weren't for the fact that The Cats are in such obvious fury, it would be absolutely hilarious to watch for hours.
We are crate training, as she is a year old with no training of any kind. This is a tough one, as she tends to whine and cry for the first little bit after being put in the crate. She settles down and seems quite happy to be there after the first little bit, and the accidents are nearly nil, since we can get her straight out of the crate and into the yard, and when she is not in the crate, it's because we can be right there with her and hopefully catch the signs and get her out before the dreaded squat....but those sad eyes and the squeaking when she'd rather not be in there is heartbreaking. But I am told that it will be worth it for all in the end, once she is trained enough to be allowed access in and out without having to close the crate door, and it becomes, simply, her "space".
We will be taking her for a major outing today to a Duckie Race....they are dropping 25000 duckies in the river. We paid for 4 of them. We realize our chances are pretty slim, but it sure would be cool to have one of our duckies place in the top 20.
Daughter is back in school now, and loving French Immersion Grade 1 with a passion, which is wonderful to see. Son starts 3 year old preschool this Wednesday, and is excited about that as well, and for ease of remembering, it also happens that both kids' teachers have the same last name.
I'm enjoying having Daughter in school all day. I love her dearly, but it's a lot easier to only have one child (well, one child, two cats, one dog, and an overgrown kid) to worry about for 8 hours. Once The Dog settles down (she gets fixed this week, too, which I'm told will help *crossing fingers* to settle her down), hopefully it will be easier to focus on keeping the house clean and other stuff, without having to constantly keep an eye on her or clean up after her.
I have been going to the track lately, to jog, since the weight room has been shut down for yearly maintenance. I haven't been going as often as I should have, but I am quite proud of myself when I do go. I am the slow jogger on the track....I pass the walkers about once every 3 laps. The regular joggers pass me about every 2 laps. But all the same....I do 10 laps each time (plus one of fast walking to stop my legs from running away with me on automatic), and each lap takes about 2 minutes. They posted the length of each lap, and so on Saturday, I apparently jogged 2.2 km in 20 minutes. Not bad, I suppose. A friend of mine started a routine where he was going to record how far he ran on his treadmill each day in an effort to "run" as far as Vancouver. If I were to do that to my dream destination, it would take me halfway to forever.....but it would be an incentive to go to the track, I suppose. I went twice this past week, so i jogged 4.4 km. That doesn't get me very far. If I go by Google maps, to get from my house to Montreal is 2975km. At that rate, it will take me a little less than 1353 days at the track. If I go as often as I intend to, it will take me almost 270.5 weeks. A little over 5 years. Ouch. Oh well, maybe in time I will increase my laps and thereby reduce the time.

Presenting the New Baby

It has been a very eventful time over the last....13 days? Wow! It's been awhile!
I managed to get the house looking relatively decent before my parents arrived. Daughter had an absolute blast at camp and wants to go next year. I celebrated my 8th anniversary on the 14th, though we didn't CELEBRATE until the 18th, when we did dinner, a movie, and a hotel for the night while the Grandparents babysat (though we had a horrid thunderstorm that knocked out the power after about 30 minutes in the hotel, so it was a very DARK night)....it also knocked our satellite dish off center so we now need a tech to come fix it so we can watch TV.
Son turned 3 and celebrated with two of his little friends...nothing too complicated....out in the backyard, they were allowed to run free (under supervision, of course), blowing bubbles, playing in the sand, and so on. Then it was cake and ice cream....then playing.....then presents....then playing....then goodie bags, and everybody went home. Then we, as a family, went to Chuck E Cheese's, and then to Burger Baron for some REAL food, and rented "Barnyard" for an evening movie.
Showed my parents all over the city and some places outside the city, so they now have a good idea of where they might like to look when they are buying a house next year. As long as they can sell their house in Victoria, they could probably have any house they wanted and have change to spare, which is always nice when preparing for retirement. They had a blast with the kids and look forward to being around them more permanently, especially since this visit, Christopher was twice as old as when they last saw him.
They went home early Wednesday morning. We did a ton of errands that morning, and then headed over to check something out, after checking this particular place out several times, once with my parents, to no avail.
And now, let me introduce to you my new baby. Her name is Mabel. She weighs about 57 pounds (and needs to weigh around 70). She has black hair and big brown eyes. Here is a recent picture:


She is around a year old, and based on her weight and certain behaviours, had not had a fun time of things before the Humane Society got her. She is a total sweetheart and a real suck. She loves everyone and everything and can't understand why the cats do not share her love. She doesn't bark, wants to please EVERYONE....but has absolutely no training whatsoever, not behaviour training, not housebreaking, nothing....so we have a lot of work to do to keep her off the counters, keep her from jumping up to kiss everyone, obviously to train her NOT to go on the carpets....but she is so eager to please that once the adjustment period is over and she settles down a bit (and is more sure of herself....she has a VERY high guilt level), I'm thinking she will be relatively easy to train.
The Humane Society had listed her as a Rottweiler/Pyrenese cross, but when we took her to the vet, they told us no, she was certainly not....she was more likely a german shepherd/ labrador cross, which is even better. And I tend to believe the vet over the HS, because through past experience, I know the HS often makes mistakes like that, and worse.....that and the previous owner only had her for a few days so really didn't know much about her.
So that is my new, sucky baby who wants attention every second, and is going to need it whenever in the house, even if she IS confined to the downstairs right now while we do crate training and housebreaking.
Well, off to finish my busy day of hanging out with Mabel and (yay) running my newly fixed dishwasher. Maybe I'll even get to read a little bit while puppy is resting (if she will ever settle down enough to rest).

Busy week.....getting busier

This week seems to have flown by at an alarming rate. I am trying to get the house presentable before Wednesday night, when my parents arrive, but as all of you with know, this is an exercise in futility. I spend 2 hours cleaning and sorting toys in Son's room....15 minutes later, you'd never know I'd been in there. At least I seem to have finally removed the mystery sludge from the floor under the kitchen table. I'm terrible at getting to the point where I can legitimately mop, so the sludge was starting to breed. It's nice to see the pattern on the floor again.
We have a ton of things that we just don't use anymore. I have tried and tried to sell them, but nobody wanted them, so now we have a pile of stuff that is simply getting donated to Value Village. That should help clear things out a little. I posted a Dora flip-out couch and a Pooh bear foam armchair on my Freecycle group....for THOSE I got a huge response...as of this morning (because some people respond even after the item is gone, I had something like 20 people wanting the couch, and 10 wanting the chair.
We had a big scare on Tuesday night....I was just on my way to my Prairie Gold rehearsal, when I got called back home. Son had been jumping on a bed. My little monkey, of course, fell off and bumped his head. Got lethargic, woozy, unable to stand or walk properly, said the back of his head hurt. So off to the ER we go. We got into the room right away.....and then waited almost 3 hours for the doctor to actually come in. By that point, Son was bored to death, hyper, and completely fine.
In mid-September, we will have another addition to the family, which will require a bit of preparation as well. We are excited and impatient, and I have already started buying a few things that we will need.
Now I must go get ready for the day....or I guess the REST of the day....I have already been up for almost 4 hours and done 3 paper routes, and drunk a cup of strawberry steamer from 7-Eleven (yummmmmmmm). Now I have to change so i can sell hot dogs for a few hours as a Prairie Gold fundraiser.....then clean the downstairs.

My Famous Father

This was supposed to go up last night, but the internet connection was down, so just pretend the following was posted Sunday night...
Once again, my Dad has been interviewed for a newspaper....I believe this is the second article, plus the radio interview, about his book.
I'm so proud of him. This is what the article says:

"John McKay/Times Colonist
[Pastor Bob Scott, the chaplain of the Langford Volunteer Fire Department, with his recently released novel, a book that’s noteworthy for an exciting plot written without profanity or gratuitous sex scenes.]

He believes in miracles
Mystery-writing chaplain encountered an answer to his prayers at a writers’ convention
BY LAUREL BERNARD
Bob Scott, a 60-year-old Langford resident, decided to write a mystery novel. He wrote it in a month, took it to a writers’ conference, got a 10-minute pitch interview with a New York publisher’s editorial director and, nine months later, had a three-book contract with royalties and a healthy advance cheque.

“It just amazes me that it happened the way it did,” Scott says. “I think I said, ‘Sure, thanks very much,’ and stood up, and the world just kind of started to spin.” How on earth, you ask, did he do it? It was easy, aspiring writers. All it took was a miracle.

Bob Scott, author of the just launched AdvertisingMurder from Avalon Books, is a former pastor of the Congregational Christian Churches in Canada and still preaches every Sunday at two seniors’ residences, West Shore Lodge and Alexander Mackie Lodge. He and his wife, Shirley, believe in the power of prayer.

They both prayed over the book project, especially when the manuscript was sent off to New York, although, as Bob Scott says, the prayer was more “your will be done, not a ‘give it to me.’ It always works for me.”

Initially, he says, “I wouldn’t say I was praying, ‘Dear Lord, make this a successful book.’ I was essentially going through the process to see what kind of suggestions I might get from an editor.” But Shirley certainly was praying “just for success” on the book, and Bob believes there’s a pattern in life.

I would say everything is part of the plan. I’ve been feeling it is part of the plan.”

Scott was born and raised in Montreal and, after getting a BA at what is now Concordia University, took his Master of Divinity at McGill. Three years after he became a minister, he went to a Billy Graham film.

“It made a change in my whole approach to my ministry and life and everything else. Over the course of the ministry from that period on — that would be 36 years this year — there were a number of things that took place in our lives that I would call miraculous.”

When he was living in Fernie, his son, then 18 months old, badly burned himself. He was hospitalized and doctors expected he’d have to endure many operations and skin grafts over the course of a long recovery. But five days later, after friends and his parents prayed and fasted, he was healing so quickly that the hospital was ready to send him home. He’s never had plastic surgery or skin grafts.

Then there was the operation Shirley was supposed to have. In the morning she was admitted into hospital and scheduled for surgery, but by day’s end, they’d sent her home. “The doctor said I was fine,” she says. Again, the Scotts and their friends had prayed for her to heal.

Bob, too, had a providential escape. One the reasons he started his book in 2003 was because he’d just received bad news: a bladder cancer diagnosis. It was discovered thanks to a mysterious and still undiagnosed infection, was treated and “within five months of the diagnosis, I was completely clean.” He’s been free of the disease for four years now.

Besides the power of prayer, you might argue the Scotts have also built up a lot of good karma. Shirley is a special-needs teacher’s aide at Pacific Christian School and, besides paid part-time work with Sands funeral services, Bob holds administrative positions with the Congregational Christian Churches in Canada and volunteers as secretary to the Colwood Rotary Club and chaplain to the Langford Volunteer Fire Department.

OK, but AdvertisingMurder’s success can’t have been that miraculous. Bob Scott probably spent years turning out manuscripts, sweating blood over each line.

Scott writes a monthly article in Ladder a fire department newsletter, and has written humour pieces and other short articles. AdvertisingMurder is his first full-length work. After writing it in a month, as a participant in National Novel Writing Month, he edited the manuscript during 2004’s National Novel Editing Month. He loves to write, loses himself in it:

“When I’m writing, I know I’ve got a manuscript that has to go out, but the excitement of seeing or feeling a story unfold … I go into another world.”

So he must have knocked on hundreds of publishers’ doors, right? And then he selected Avalon and honed his pitch to perfection.

In fact, Avalon was the first and only publisher he approached. He wrote his pitch to editorial director Erin Cartwright-Niumata on hotel notepaper the night before.

Then he probably has one of those careers designed for writing crime fiction. He can write about what he knows — just like John Grisham, who was once a lawyer, or Patricia Cornwell, who worked in forensic science.

Jack Elton, AdvertisingMurder’s hero, is an ex-cop. “My only police experience,” says Scott, “was in Expo 67. I was a security guard on the minirail at Montreal.”

What about Avalon? It sells to libraries and has editorial rules restricting drinking, profanity and sex in the 60 books per year they produce. The editing process was probably difficult.

“They’re a very easy company to work with,” Scott says. On his first book, the editing suggestions consisted of a single sheet read over the phone and then a few followup points. In any case, based on his own values, Scott is comfortable with Avalon’s approach — not that he chose Avalon because of it or wrote his mystery with a moral intent. It just happened to be a match made, well, in heaven.

At this point, the publication of AdvertisingMurder does begin to look like divine intervention. But don’t give up hope, because Scott’s story also exemplifies the axiom that God helps those who help themselves. Bob Scott worked hard at the project and made some very smart decisions.

For aspiring writers, here are some of his steps to success.

1. He joined the Crime Writers of Canada: “It was the best $100 I ever spent.” Besides all the resources on their website, the organization provided priceless publicity and contacts.

2. He signed up for the magazine Writer’sDigest, joined its book club and immersed himself in other writingrelated sites, listservs and research books. By the time he got to the pitch, he’d already read advice on how to do it.

3. He belongs to a writer’s group that meets weekly from September to June. Shirley read his manuscript, too, and, Scott says, “does a good job of pointing out basic errors” as well as helping with syntax and spelling.

4. He’s dedicated and has good work habits. Scott’s preferred writing time is midnight till 4 a.m. For example, on Wednesday he might write from midnight until 6 a.m. the next day, go to his Rotary meeting, come back, sleep a little, and then write in the evening. He feels comfortable if he’s written 2,000 words a day.

5. He goes to the annual Surrey International Writers’ Conference. Scott says it’s a standout among these types of events, and it’s where he pitched his manuscript.

6. He offered what an in-house editor wanted. He says of Cartwright-Niumata: “I’ve heard comments from her like, ‘Your stories are well written.’”

When she was asked about Scott, she sent back this message through her assistant Faith Black — and there’s hope in it for all aspiring writers:

“Erin met Bob at the Surrey writers’ conference in Vancouver, and they had a great meeting. Bob delivered a great pitch on his book, and Erin knew she wanted to work with him before even reading anything. It was a good, short pitch that reeled her in and got her interested in the project.

“If you write well and you submit properly (following the correct guidelines for submission), anyone can write for Avalon. We are always looking for new and first-time authors.”"

Those of you who have not yet read this book, and like a good murder mystery, I seriously urge you to find this first book and read it....it's funny, intriguing, just an all-round good read. I kept shaking my head every few chapters as I reminded myself that my FATHER had written this book. It was wonderful! I await his next two books with impatience, and hope he will have the opportunity to publish even more after that series is done.
My parents arrive in about 10 days and 2 hours. We are excited and scrambling madly to put the house in order before they get here. The cats have shredded the bottom stairs carpet, for which I am ready to hang them by their toenails (no, not really), so I will have to come up with some inventive solution, requiring tons of thought....and potentially duct tape....to cover the holes.
Now it is getting late, I am sunburnt once again, and as tomorrow is a provincial holiday, I am looking forward to a good, long sleep tonight before a day of frantic cleaning, a multitude of errands, and a round of indoor mini golf.

Human Guinea Pigs

I have been having some issues over the last few years since son was born. Nothing life threatening, just really annoying, really gross, and really uncomfortable. Anyway, I heard this ad on the radio a few months ago, basically saying that if you had these symptoms (and they proceed to list off all of mine), they are looking for test subjects for a new drug, and to call this number or check this website. I kept thinking I should check it out, and then would forget the address and all, as it was always while I was driving in the car, and we all know the way life runs is a great memory eraser.
Well, Husband, who has to live with me, heard the ad a few weeks ago, and he remembered the address, looked it up, and pointed me to it, not even knowing I'd been wanting to do so. I looked at it. I filled in their application and fired it off. A few days later, i am contacted, asked a zillion questions. Yes, it sounds as if I am the kind of person they are looking for. The lady then begins telling me about what will be expected of me in the screening process and all. I am getting a bit nervous. She says she'll mail me all the info about everything to do with the test. About a week later, the envelope arrives. I read it through and form my own opinions, and then pass it on to Husband for his input. He simply stated if I didn't want to do it, then I just shouldn't do it. So helpful.
In any case. The screening process would involve ultrasounds, a biopsy, a pap smear, some scan involving a catheter, a trillion blood tests, etc, etc, etc. Sounds like a real party to me. Oh yeah!
The test itself would take up to 6 months, and had 4 streams, two of them, of course, placebos, and it was, of course, to be a double blind test. One of the options and its placebo sounded okay, the other not so good (but I wouldn't get a choice)...and then I read the page on possible side effects. Now, I realize they have to cover their butts and list everything, but there's only so many side effects that I'm willing to run the risk of having to deal with.
That and there was the task of collecting and sending them certain things during the test.
I wanted a solution to my problem. I wanted to maybe find some relief. And I could have used the $75 per visit they would have paid me. But after all that, I have decided that I will just suffer through what I am facing at the moment, in the hopes that someone ELSE will have the guts to go through those tests, that those tests will result in a solution, and that somewhere down the road, I will benefit from this solution WITHOUT the indignity and discomfort and risk of the testing process of something that could ultimately, in the end, be a dud anyway.

Happy news, and little boys

Well, we found out that the home assessment people made a mistake. My initial response when Husband told me was to slump in dread of the lower actual number that he was going to tell me. Imagine my delight when he told me our house is actually worth DOUBLE what we paid for it!!!!!! Alriiiiiiiight! :) If this line of credit come through, we should have our mortgage paid off in maybe 15 years instead of 23, plus will have an easier time paying things off and being able to do things as a family.
Now I must put in a little story about me and my little guy. Son is nearly 3 and therefore everything is exciting and interesting, especially if he can pick it up. He has just reached the age where he feels himself to be too much of a big boy to ride in the stroller. To his credit, he can walk for 45 minutes without a complaint, but at a very slow pace, partially due to the above statement. Anyway...I don't like bugs. I don't like creepy crawly things. I just don't. Son does. Son very much does. So Mommy had to swallow her fear and jittery feelings and allow Son his time of wonderment and excitement when he found....and picked up....the most humungous dragonfly I have ever seen. It was dead, obviously, since he was able to pick it up. He brought this thing home, and it sits in a little container at his tiny desk in his room, waiting for Husband to come home and see his prize catch. It's actually a pretty thing, a shimmery blue with sparkly wings.....but it's huge. The body is about 15 cm long, and the wingspan is probably close to that....maybe closer to 10cm. He talked to it the whole way home. He told this dragonfly that he was taking it to his house, he was going to take it IN his house, he told it the colour of his house, too. He's pretty happy about his bug. And, I guess, in a way, behind all my icky jittery feeling towards it, I'm kind of proud of his catch, too. After all, what's the fun of being a little boy if you can't catch bugs, and big ones, at that. :) Now he has his own dragon. Hee hee

We Bought at the Right Time!!!!

We bought our house in February of 2006. It was the most expensive house we had bought (which isn't saying much, but more on that in a minute). We knew the bank had done a home assessment, but they never told us what the house was worth. We thought the house was maybe worth a little bit more than we paid, hopefully not less, but we had no idea whatsoever.
We are currently in the process of trying to get a home equity line of credit, which requires, you guessed it, a home assessment. Well, THIS time, the company we are working with on getting said line of credit showed us the results. We are very, very, very, very happy....our house is worth about 186% of what we paid for it. That's right.... it's worth 86% MORE than we paid for it! Needless to say, we were shocked and ecstatic. But of course, for those of you thinking we are stinkin' rich or something, let's put things into perspective...
Our first ever house we bought was 3 bedrooms, 1 bath, double lot, small town. Very cheap. Sickeningly cheap to all you poor people who live in, say, Calgary or Edmonton, or the states or something.
Our second house cost approximately 4 TIMES as much, but still not remotely close to what you pay in the places I mentioned above...again, a 3 bedroom, 1 bath, but single lot, not so good part of town.
THIS house cost us nearly FIVE times as much as the second (or over 17 times as much as the first house....what a staggering statistic)....for a 4 bedroom, 2 bath, 1 lot in a good area of town.
Here is the staggering figure to make all you big city, non-Saskatchewan people jealous....if I add up what we paid for all three houses into one sum, I have bought 3 houses for an altogether grand total of $146,500. Not each, not averaged out (that average would beeeee....about $48,333 each) Those of you math whizzes out there can play with this one for awhile. I am giggling with glee and very happy that we live in our wonderful province....with the way our income has been, we never would have even been the owners of ONE house by now in a place like Calgary!
Heh heh heh

My apples are grapes

You should see my apple trees this year. I'm not sure exactly what happened, I guess the conditions were just right and the bees were busy this spring. I have two crab apple trees. one grows little red ones, one grows medium yellowish ones. Both trees have a good number of apples on them, but the yellow apple tree, WELL, the number of apples on each branch is just stunning. The branches are starting to bend all the way to the ground because there are so many apples that it literally looks like they are giant clusters of grapes. I tried counting just one branch worth of apples, and based on what I came up with, and extrapolating to how many branches there ARE on this tree, there are well over a THOUSAND apples on this tree! I could open my own crab apple business if they ripen! Yikes! The red apple tree has maybe half that, but still, 500 apples, give or take a hundred or so, is still a lot of apples, just on its own!
It is so horribly hot here that I am considering keeping Daughter home today....she usually goes to a day camp sort of thing, but the forecast says it will be 36 C today, with a humidex of 49C!!! She burns like me, even with sunscreen, and this heat will really get to her, especially since they don't always let them get water.
I made it back to the gym today, for which I am proud of myself. Today is the start of a new run at losing this extra weight of mine. Hopefully i will not sabotage myself this week, and will actually get somewhere in this.
Anyway, it's already getting too hot to think. Time to go weigh in for the week and have some breakfast and a litre of water.

My Childhood Home (s)

Some of us are writing a blog entry about our childhood home. In my case, that would be HOMES....growing up, the longest I lived anywhere was 5 years, so it will take a bit of thinking to remember them all.
The house we lived in when i was first born was an old manse, my father being a pastor. I don't remember a whole lot about it, other than it was big and had a spiral staircase. This was the house where our kitty decided to adopt us. She was a stray, and about 1 year old when she showed up. I was 2 at the time. We lived there until I was 3.
The second house we lived in was another large, old manse. I remember this one a bit more....it had the old fashioned set up, complete with sitting room, dining room, everything separated by sliding doors. It had a huge staircase, and I slept in a bunk bed in a room I shared with my sister. I remember the school where I went to kindergarten being right across the road, and going over there on Canada Day to burn sparklers and shoot off a few small fireworks. My brother was born when I was in kindergarten, and I remember thinking he was ugly. LOL. We lived there until I was 6.
The third house we had was a temporary house that we lived in for about a year, and was 4 provinces away. I'm not sure what the story with that one was, but I remember it had a fireplace in the basement which we thought was really cool. There was a park nearby where the entire play structure was made out of old tires, ranging from car tires to massive tractor wheels. I remember we always would watch the Muppet Show together in the kitchen, and a classmate of mine was my backdoor neighbour.
The fourth house we lived in was in the same city, but on the other end of town. It was another old manse. I loved that place. We had a massive playroom in the basement, and the bedrooms we slept in were upstairs, where the ceiling was basically the roof....the ceilings slanted and met in a peak. The furniture was built right in up there, beds, desk, drawers, everything built right into the walls/floor, so the arrangement was, obviously, permanent. We had a nice, big backyard with a swingset and sandbox, picnic table.....your basic backyard, I guess. We had a weeping willow tree that eventually got cut down, which i thought was really sad, and some giant blue spruce trees that were amazing in the winter.....the snow would not get under the branches, so we could dig a door under the branches and have a nice, insulated playhouse made out of the branches and the space under them. The house also had a huge closet you could sit in, great for hide and seek, and a prayer closet for my Mom. I used to stay in the spare room on nights when I couldn't sleep, because my Mom had all her sewing stuff in there, and I'd sit and make Barbie clothes all night.
In winter, I remember my parents getting up on the roof of the carport to shovel it off, having so much snow one year that when we opened the gate to the backyard, it was just a wall of snow, as high as the gate itself. I remember my parents shovelling the driveway and putting all the snow in the middle of the front yard each year, so we could slide down it on our sleds. I remember the slugs that would crawl up and down our driveway wall, and I remember I wasn't scared of spiders yet. I remember that about a half block away, just on the side of the mountain we lived on, there was a huge patch of wild saskatoon berry bushes, and we would all go berry picking each year, eating more than we brought home. I remember going on family walks, which took 2 hours, all the way to the other end of town, just to buy a slurpee. I would always get a mix of orange and sprite, if they had it. I remember going on a hiking picnic up a ski mountain one year. We did a lot of fun stuff there. We moved when I was 11.
My fifth house was back across the country, 5 provinces away. It was yet another old manse, right beside the church. I would love to have a house like that today. It was gorgeous. The basement wasn't finished, just concrete, but it had a raised platform that became our play are, and had two closed off rooms, one was holding the deep freeze, and the other, I believe was cold storage and just general storage. The backyard was huge, because at the time they hadn't built anything behind it, so it even had a small slope leading to a field that was perfect for sledding. The main floor had a half bath, an office, an entryway, a living room with doors at each entrance, a big dining room, a nice sized kitchen, and a deck off the back. The upstairs had 4 bedrooms and a full bath. And two of the bedrooms were huge, one being the master bedroom, and one was split in two, part of the time as a shared room, part of the time being a bedroom with half cordonned off for sewing and computer use. I remember spending all of my Christmas holidays studying for January exams. I would memorize for hours every day, and then would breeze through the exams, because I could literally SEE my notes in my head. I remember putting up yellow wallpaper in my room. I remember having huge fights with my sister and brother, and accidentally slamming my brother's fingers in the door. To this day, I can still hear his fingers crunch. *shudder*. That was the house where I got chicken pox for the third time, baffling the doctors. That was the house where I developed my biggest fear in needles, thanks to an incompetent nurse, and a poor lab guy whose only fault was that he had the misfortune of looking like a gorilla, and so when he was
called in to try to replace the incompetent nurse, got to see just how hysterically terrified a 12 year old can get. (He, by the way, managed to get the needle in and out with no problems, once I was restrained, for which I think he was eternally grateful). I remember going for 3 1/2 hour walks on the back yards as a family, seeing wildlife and watching the maple leaves turn in the fall, and the snow and ice melting in the spring. I remember the old fashioned merry-go-round by the beach, the beach itself, the little waterfall that nobody knew about up the stream that we found by walking a little obscure dirt patch through the trees. I remember Pop Shoppe pop and double ice cream cones at the parlour that had special ice cream cones with two cup on each cone (looked a bit like an 8 on top). I remember the huge fire that burned down a set of low income housing and even got so bad that there was an explosion. I remember walking to school one day and having a car go through a huge puddle so fast that the splash went as high as the power lines and got me soaked. I remember our old dog Sparky getting old and cranky, having her bite me one morning because I teased her, and coming home to find my parents had put her down. I thought it was my fault for almost a decade, until I told my Mom, and she put my fears to rest. I remember going across the river on the ferry. And I remember Justine. She was an amazing woman. She was very, very old, and didn't get out much anymore, not much past her front steps. She lived alone, right across the street from us, in a very old house. I had a school project in French that required me to talk to someone older. I asked if I could interview her, and I don't think I've ever seen anyone so happy. I got to go inside her house, which had not been updated much over the years, which was fascinating in itself. She was a teacher when she was young, and she talked for hours and hours about it (for my project), so much so that my Mom had to come and get me. It was so amazing to be 14 and talk to someone who had taught in the early 1900's. I also remember we had a rotary phone. I miss those, to a certain extent. They were cool. We lived there until I was 14, almost 15.
My sixth house was back across the country again, 4 provinces away. It was a 4 bedroom, 2 bath house.You walked in the door and either had to go up or down. Up was 2 bedrooms, a full bath, living room, and kitchen (and closets), and downstairs was 2 bedrooms, a full bath, and a den which got split in two, one part being my Dad's office. I remember a lot of things to do with school, but not a whole lot to do with home. I was having problems by then, problems that had started when i was 13 (a whole other story), and had progressively gotten worse. I remember being in I.B. and doing a lot of homework. I remember crushes that were not reciprocated. I remember being very shy and self-conscious. I remember thinking my academics were what would gain me approval at home, and that losing weight would make me the beautiful girl I wanted to be. The first part wasn't true, and the second part just never happened (the losing weight and getting beautiful part). I have very good memories of the place, and a lot of good memories about my time there, especially connected to school and the friends that i had there, but I think that was also the place where I had the worst trouble with dealing with growing up and who and what I was.
If you'd like to talk about YOUR childhood home, join the crowd and check out http://owlhaven.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/my-childhood-home-2/

A hot and tiring week

It's been one of those weeks, you know the kind....it seems as if it's the hottest it's ever been. Everyone is shocked and grumbling about how horribly hot it is...and yet everybody knows, deep down inside, this is exactly what we got LAST YEAR....and the year before, and the year before....
As a result, I have been very tired. I have even been feeling sick the last two days, now that the heat has receded a bit. This works to my major disadvantage. This means I intend to eat less because I'm not feeling well, and then end up bingeing later on in the day. I have not made it to the gym the past two days, bringing my gym attendance to a whopping total of one day this week. I have dragged my butt home after papers and inserted myself on one of the spare beds, so as not to disturb anyone, and been found around 9:30 by my family members. This, of course, cuts down on the day's cleaning time considerably, as it then takes me quite awhile to get back into the conscious and PROPERLY FUNCTIONING part of my day (I can be up, physically, but until I've had some coffee, etc, hopes of my doing anything useful are a mere dream). This, in turn, makes the job seem mountainous, and somewhat intimidating. This leads to frustration, which leads to my feeling tired and uninspired....
Definitely not an ideal week.
Rearranged the kids' rooms, much to their delight, and today my goal will be to tidy Son's room, both bathrooms, the kitchen, and do a load of laundry.....and maybe some weeding, if it doesn't get too hot this afternoon. Wish me luck.

Purpose In Life

It's amazing how, when you start pondering something, the topic keeps popping up in different places. Take yesterday's thread, for example....what am i famous for? Wouldn't you know that at church today, the topic of the sermon had to do with our purpose in life....what are we here for. It has me thinking a little bit, okay, maybe a lot....everybody has a purpose in life. Everyone is born for some reason, whether we ever know what it is or not....and it's something we really ought to remember, especially when it's one of those really bad days where you feel like you could die and it really wouldn't matter to anyone.
So I started wondering....what is my purpose in life? Why am I here? I have to admit that, when I look at my life so far, I find very little that I can claim as a real influence in anyone's life, aside from the negative things I have brought. But following what my pastor said today, I know there is some reason I am here, some reason why I am exclusively ME, soul, mind, and body.
I wish I knew the reason for who I am, but in a way, I wonder if by knowing, that would somehow either dampen its effect on the world, change who I am and perhaps cause it never to be, or somehow change something in someone else's life that should never be changed. I don't know.
If someone asked me why I am here, what purpose I have in life, and I absolutely had to give an answer, maybe I can come up with a few thoughts, and in that, perhaps it could sustain me through some of those dark hours...
I am a mother to two children, one a girl, one a boy. Perhaps the girl will grow up and become the mother of someone the world really will need, perhaps she, herself, will grow up to be somebody amazing (not just in the sense of "amazing in her Mommy's eyes, you know?), I don't know. She may be destined for greatness, or help bring someone else to greatness,
The boy was originally not meant to be...originally we were stopping with the girl. I told Husband after I had her that I was never going through pregnancy again. It was a rough delivery, and when I said it, I'm sure I meant it, but somehow there was a huge longing, a hole, in a sense, that arose later on, a nagging overwhelming desire to have just one more baby. Husband had only wanted one child, so this caused a great deal of friction, and deep sadness and even some depression on my part, which I'm sure didn't help our relationship much. Eventually, Husband decided he, too, would like to have another. To this day, I wonder if he just said yes to make me happy, but I think, in the end, his doubts and reservations disappeared, once Son was here. Love at first sight...so I figure Son is destined for something big, considering it was such a huge battle, in a way, to get him here.
Perhaps I am here to talk to people about the "hidden illness", as mental illness is often called. I have come to accept who I am, and the struggles I face as a result of who I am and the choices I have made. People who look at me likely would never know there was anything wrong with me. Once people really get to know me, they find I can often be a very difficult friend to have, at times. I say things I shouldn't, I do things I shouldn't, I seek attention, acceptance, validation, sometimes with such ferocity that I scare people off. I suffer from depression, I also suffer from an eating disorder, yet another thing people would never guess....who ever heard of a fat anorexic? Maybe I am here as an example to people that an eating disorder doesn't come with a specific face. It doesn't necessarily come with a specific name, either. I am neither anorexic, nor bulimic, at least not exclusively....but I DO have an eating disorder. Anyone who obsesses about food, and allows that obsession to control how, where, when, what, and how much they eat has an eating disorder.
I have come a long way in my fight, and in most cases, I am winning. I am able to manage most of my episodes, both the depressive ones and the eating disorder urges, but I still have a long way to go, and have come to realize this is a lifelong battle...you don't get over them, but merely learn to control them and deal with them. Maybe there is someone out there who has the same issues as I do, someone who, one day, can benefit from my experiences and wisdom I have acquired in learning to live with myself.
Perhaps I am here to touch someone's life in some way, by something as simple as helping lead the singing at church, or being a part of my Sweet Adelines group, or maybe just by being a listening ear, a smile when it's needed, maybe a letter or phone call I make someday will save somebody's life....I don't know.
I am beginning to realize that maybe, just maybe, a lot of the "bad" things that have happened to me will, one day, be used for a good purpose....maybe by going through them, they will be the tools to my helping someone else in their journey. I hope so. I think we all need to know we have some purpose in life, hidden or not, that will make our lives all worthwhile in the end.