Grey hair and rocking chair

Here I come! It's my birthday once again, and I have reached the ripe old age of 31. About a decade ago, I thought that was middle age, the end of the road. I'm not sure how I feel now. I feel old, but not REALLY old. I am coming to the realization that my youth is gone. There is no getting it back....and that actually scares me. I don't know what the rest of my life holds, and for once, it really bothers me. Up to now, I have pretty much taken life as it came. I was young, had lots of life ahead of me, it would be an adventure. Now I'm not quite so keen on the whole adventure side of things. I want to know where I am headed...what will I end up doing for work until retirement, what sort of life, financially, will I lead after these next few years, what will happen with the kids as they grow, and a million other unanswered questions.
Perhaps part of it stems from the onslaught of challenges we have been through in the past years....I've reached my endpoint...it's enough. I want some warning of future challenges, downfalls, issues, problems. I want to be ready for them, not blindsided by them and constantly picking myself up and making the best I can of what I've been handed.
What a cheery thing to talk about on my birthday. Oh well. It may be my birthday, but as far as people here are concerned, it will go by relatively unnoticed. I got my two gifts from my husband and children last night before Husband had to whisk back to work. Today I am cleaning, cooking a casserole for supper, taking Husband to umpire a game, and Daughter to play a playoff game. Perhaps we will stop for ice cream on the way home, then tuck everybody in for the night. The weekend will be crammed full of umpiring, playoff games, and possibly a camp open house if Daughter doesn't have to play Sunday afternoon (though we hope she DOES have to play). My birthday dinner will be homemade crab linguini, phyllo pastry appetizers, maybe Coke, and an angel food cake with strawberries and whipped cream...on Monday, which I have told Husband he MUST be home for on penalty of death.
For those of you craving a happy post, sorry...um....the sun is shining, it's going to be a stereotypical summer day, I made it to the gym today and did two routes, which will bring in a total of $29 today. Kids are cute, kitties are fluffy, and my new photo ID drivers license is actually not as bad as I thought it was going to look. Oh, and my weight loss is going very well, though I plan to cheat a tiny bit today, just because it's my birthday.