Morning Has Broken

Finally! Same as last year, I know....but you have to understand that when you work a job like mine, winter is a very long, dark place.
So there I was, walking along, finishing my second route of the morning, when I happened to glance at the horizon. There it was, that glorious lightening strip in the sky, the one I had been waiting months for. If that had not brought a smile to my face, I would have to be stark raving mad. I live for sunshine. The fact that sunshine was on its way was a very, very good thing.
It has been awhile since I have written....I have had many topics buzzing through my brain, but somehow never quite got around to sitting down to type them out. And now i have forgotten what they were. Hopefully over the next little while, I will remember what the important ones were.
I am finally coming out of my shell somewhat. I hate speaking up in public. Hate it. Scares the living daylights out of me. I have this huge complex that has me convinced that if I say what is on my mind, I will look like an idiot, get shot down, not be able to argue my point, have people hate me, lose friends, etc, etc, etc. Trust me, that is enough to make me literally start shaking just THINKING about what I want to say, and it takes monumental strength for me to actually open my mouth and SAY what needs to be said....but I agreed last year to be on the Board for my chorus. That meant that this weekend past, I got to go on the leadership retreat. It was a lot of fun, and an amazing place with deer and birds and squirrels just outside the lodge windows and all, and very peaceful and quiet. But while we were there, we had to plan out the next year. And one of the things that came up was that the focus in chorus was gone, the people were not doing their "job".
It had to be said. It really had to be said, and nobody was saying it. I meekly put up my hand....
-Can I say something?
-Sure
-Well, one thing that's really bothering me is that everyone has been trying to make everybody happy, to keep members from leaving. The problem is that nobody is being kept accountable. When I joined, it was made very clear to me that this was a competing, performing chorus. To be a part of it, I had to do the work. If I didn't like it, I shouldn't have joined the chorus. Now we are telling people that they don't have to compete, they don't need to perform....if we are saying this sort of thing, NO WONDER people aren't learning their music and such like they are supposed to....if they don't intend to compete or perform, why would they? They are getting the impression that it's not important. Our sound has suffered, our music has suffered, we used to win first place all the time, now we don't, and we go in with an attitude that we aren't going to win. We used to go in believing we were the best, and we won....every time! Then we suddenly were told we were expecting too much, we were suddenly told we could only expect to reach certain levels, and now we go in with an attitude of "Well, we'll TRY, but we probably won't win"....and then we DON'T. Even if we can't win, we have a much better chance of getting CLOSE if we BELIEVE it! There are so many people who have done amazing things, simply because nobody told them it was supposedly impossible.

Now let me tell you. I said this to an audience of 10 people. I thought I was going to die right there and then, I was shaking so badly, my heart was pounding, and I was dizzy with fright.
The result? It opened up discussion like nothing you would believe! They were totally agreeing with me, saw that I was right, and we started off on a plan to get the chorus back to what it was supposed to be.

We went to rehearsal on Tuesday night,and the team started recapping for the rest of the chorus just exactly what we had done with our weekend. Problem was, everybody was skirting the issue, nobody was saying what needed to be said when we were telling them what e had gotten out of the weekend. I was wriggling in my seat, I was so uncomfortable, just mentally BEGGING for someone to say it. Finally, at the last moment, when I knew it was going to be me or nobody, I meekly put up my hand...

-The thing I got most out of the weekend was that we reaffirmed what this chorus is really about. We made it clear that we all agree that this is a COMPETING, PERFORMING chorus, and that this is still our MAIN FOCUS as Prairie Gold.

It was so funny. You could have heard my heart pounding in the slight pause of shock...I had spoken up in front of about 30 people. Me. The one who NEVER speaks up. The director started to applaud, but quickly stopped....because I had said what HAD to be said, and she had wanted it said....it was a really nice feeling to know she was so proud of me for having spoken up. So I mentally thought to myself "Ha! So there!" Why? I dunno. It just fit the way I was feeling.
I still don't think they got it. I still don't think the message got across half as strongly as it needs to. But it will. In time, it will. Maybe if I keep speaking up once in awhile, the rest of the board will get on it, to, and make the other members understand...this chorus has a focus on three things....competition, performance, and education. If you want to be in the chorus, you need to learn your music, you need to perform to the absolute best of your ability, you need to constantly be learning more of the music, practicing it until it reaches absolute excellence, you need to perform, to sharpen your skill, and to give it everything you have so that when we go to competition, we are bringing home those gold medals, the high scores, the knowledge that no matter what the outcome, there is no way any member on those risers could have given even one more molecule.
If you are not there to further these goals, if you are not in agreement with where the chorus is headed, then this chorus is not the place for you. We cannot make everyone happy all the time. We have loads of fun, and we love each other like a family AND like best friends....but we work HARD and it's not fair to hold other members back if you aren't 100% committed to excellence in competition and performance. We may lose some members. And we will be sad to see them go....but at the same time, we need to stay true to the whole foundation of the Sweet Adelines International. We are not a glee club, we are not just for fun. It even states in the international bylaws that we MUST compete.
And come on! If we win the gold at Regionals this year, we get to go to NASHVILLE for Internationals next year!!!!!!!! I SOOOOOO want to go to Nashville!!!!!!!!!
Anyway....I'm getting really cold, sitting in my drafty office. Time for coffee, and then major house cleaning. 11 days until my parents arrive!