How I Spent My Winter and other such stuff

The last time I posted was in mid-October. It's hard to believe it has been 5 months, almost to the day.

I have been a school bus driver for almost 4 months now. I like it, though it has its ups and downs...days when people in their cars feel that they have the right to pass you when you are letting kids on/off the bus, days when the kids do not get along, or do not like their seat assignment, days when it is so cold you feel like your fingers will crack off and fall into the engine as you fumble your way through the early morning circle check of your bus...and days when the girl who got sick on your bus brings you a picture she drew the next day to thank you for taking care of her, the little Grade 1 boy gives you one of his hockey cards with him on it, from his team, the days when they thank you or say good morning or goodbye instead of just shuffling on and off the bus.

It's all good. I have finally found a job I can do, that I am fairly certain I will stick with in the years to come.I have my own bus, my own parking spot for said bus, my own key, my own little mailbox. It's nice. Not the high aspirations I had as a teen, but it's good work, a steady paycheck, and I seem to be pretty good at it.

The only real downside, I think, is the switch from stay-at-home mom to part time employee...and mom. My family still has not managed to get out of the groove where Mom is home all the time, and therefore can and will clean up after them, bring things they forgot to school, attend any and all performances, parent/teacher days, and other events, and bring them home when they call home to say they are sick.
I constantly feel a combination of frustration that they will not pick up the slack around the house and that my husband (who is busy with his own business and part time school) not only does not pick up the slack, but also cannot attend the things I cannot, or bring them home when sick, and a feeling of failure that I am tired all the time, and cannot do a lot of things that I used do, such as said events...I missed my daughter's big band performance by about 60 seconds. I parked my bus, jumped in my van, and roared off to the event, arriving just as her band had left the stage. I wanted to cry. Tonight, she has a basketball game, and out of that 3 1/2 hours, I HOPE to catch the last hour.

Another downside seems to be that I am once again in the position of outsider when it comes to my friends at the MMO group I am in. I see them posting constantly about parties, movies, dinners, coffee times they are having together, as well as the play dates, and feel very lonely and left out. I understand that I don't fit in...they are mostly stay-at-home moms, and their kids are smaller, some of them have known each other a long time, and others just seem to have clicked instantly. And that's great. I'm glad they have their group, and can get together and all. I just wish I fit, too, and could be at least invited, even if it turned out I couldn't go.

I am now getting ready to go to the West coast next month, for a weekend, with my chorus. Prairie Gold Chorus, which is also celebrating 30 years, is going to Regionals. We are psyched, we are ready, and we are AWESOME!!!!! :) My daughter is finally old enough to join the Chorus, though she is unfortunately unable to come to competition this year...it is too late for her to be ready, and we can't afford the airfare and hotel and all for her this time around. Next year. She is excited that she is at least able to perform here at home over the next year, and will be all set to go to competition next spring.

My husband seems to be having another round with his lungs. Once again we wait for a CT scan, various specialist tests and all the rest. I really hope we are not going to go through the same nightmare as last time with a mass and all. My daughter is waiting for results from a bone scan. 11 months after the original injury, and we still are looking for answers. At least she has progressed past the crutches and the wheelchair, and is now only in a very strong ankle brace on one foot. She still has pain and issues at times, but is at least mobile again.