Stepping Out, Stepping Up?

In the past years, I have noticed a certain trend in my life. I used to move around a lot, and every place I ended up, I made new friends. I still have good friends from every place I have lived from Grade One through university. But then there was a very disturbing trend.

I got married. I am still married. and he is a great guy. But though we moved several times, I can't really say I made many new friends. I have no friends from the first place we lived, two friends from the second place we lived (and even then, our communication is spotty...one of those friends has had cancer for at least a year, and I had no idea, the other I "talk" to on Facebook, but I wouldn't say we are CLOSE friends (not that we have a poor friendship, but I'd say we border on friendly acquaintance at this point)), and we have lived in our present city since summer 2001 and I have to say I don't really think I could say I have any real FRIENDS here. I have a lot of people I am friendly with. In Chorus, we all get along, and they are SORT OF friends...we have a lot of fun together at rehearsals, performances, competitions, and parties....but outside of that, we don't really interact. We don't go for coffee one-on-one, we don't phone each other to chat, and in fact in the past little while, I've been the youngest, to the extent that I think they all are closer to my parents' or grandparents' ages. I have one person from my old church here in town that I get together with for coffee once in a blue moon, and interact with on Facebook...but again, she is more of a mentor-friend. She is my Mom's age, or close to it.

It seems that since I got married I kind of folded in on myself, didn't reach out to find someone to connect with. And since my husband is a bit of a loner himself, it's not like we go out with anyone our age together, and with him being so busy, he often doesn't have time to just HANG OUT with me. And lately that has really been getting to me. I have been feeling really alone, really isolated, and with the issues I have had at church, I have been feeling really frustrated, depressed, and especially lonely. I don't think people MEAN to do it, but people sort of avoid me, because they aren't really sure what to say or do to help us. I can clear a whole section of the church easily...I sit and by the time church starts, the majority of the people are sitting in a different section.

So anyway. Just before Christmas, someone I know on Facebook (and at church), invited me to a potluck for something called "Mom's Morning Out". Until then, I had been under the impression that it was for moms with little ones. Which makes sense, considering pretty much all of them DO have little ones. But I was assured that any mom could come. So I went. And I met a few people. And I got invited to a cookie exchange. And I joined the group and so went back today (the first meeting since the potluck). I knew most of the ladies there. I think most of them are a few years younger than I am, but they are a lot closer to my age than the people in Chorus, and even though my children are in school, and past the "little people"stage, I was able to blend in, converse, not look like a total dweeb. And it was wonderful.

I think that this is the first step in a good thing. In taking that big step to get out of my comfort zone, not hide, and GO to the group, I think I have opened the door to maybe making some good friends again. I hope so! Also, it will be nice to have a place to go, where everyone understands the challenges and frustrations of being a Mom, where we can talk and come up with good advice for each other.And I got to hold babies today. :) I don't want any more of my own, I'm done with that, but it's fun to hold and play with the little ones, to make them smile and laugh.

I'm glad I joined the group. And here's hoping I can get back into the swing of things and make some friends in my own age group, my own stage of life...maybe even make some REALLY good friends, in time. I hope, I hope, I hope.