Angry

I am angry. And sad. And scared. Life just isn't going the way I thought it would, thought it should. Why is it that it seems that the people who haven't done anything to deserve it get hit with the worst things?
A few months ago, we were going along as normal. Hubby had a cough that just didn't seem to go away. Not a huge deal, it had become somewhat of the norm...several times a year he would come down with bronchitis. Or so we were told. But this time, the cough stayed. He had antibiotics. It stayed. He had inhalers. It stayed. It got worse. Finally we realized this cough had been going for a good 6 months or so, with the doctors continually giving him something that did nothing. Finally a doctor took him seriously and took an xray. That is when the nightmare began.
I call it a nightmare because it just doesn't feel like it's true. This just doesn't seem like reality...and yet it is, and I just can't wake up from this nightmare. They found a mass. Approximately 3 cm by 3 cm by 4 cm. It doesn't seem that big, but in proportion to a lung, it's got some definite heft to it.
So he was referred to a specialist. The speed in which things have moved along since that xray should have clued us in. The xray took place in late February, I believe. The specialist called us a week later. A week after that, Hubby met him, had some tests done. A week after that, he was in for a CAT scan and needle biopsy.
He was told at that point that it was likely not cancerous, because of its shape. Two weeks later,this past Monday, we were told that the biopsy came back inconclusive. We were told they didn't know what it was. But that we would be referred to a surgeon who would remove it. He was referred on Monday. The surgeon called Thursday. For an appointment on Friday.
I went with him this time (I wasn't able to on the other occasions). The surgeon showed us the images from the CAT scan, which were a huge shock to me, as it showed just how big this thing really is. Then he explained to us what inconclusive really meant. I wish the specialist had read the biopsy report a bit better and explained it properly.
The biopsy showed necrotic tumour cells. The inconclusive part referred to the fact that they had not determined what KIND of tumour cells they were. He explained to us that the cells were very suspicious and that they honestly DO think that the possibility of it being cancerous is quite high.
He will go in for surgery in about a week and a half, exact date to be determined this week. They have to go in and remove a portion of his lung that the mass is attached to (a wedge resection). While he is still under, they will test it, and if it is cancer, they will remove the lower lobe of his left lung (a lobectomy). If it is not, they sew him up after the small piece is out, and he stays in the hospital about a week. If it it is, they remove the large chunk, sew him up, and we look at the possibility of a month in hospital and several months of recovery time...and hopefully that would be the end of it. Because if it isn't, we add to that the possibility of radiation or chemo or other such things.
My husband has never smoked. Ever. He does not live in a smoking house. Neither set of our parents smokes. We do not have friends who smoke. We do not hang around in smoky places. He is otherwise completely healthy. There is no good reason for this. It just isn't fair. And there are so many risks and possibilities and plans that may change. So I am angry. And sad. And definitely scared.