Finally some answers!

Son went to the speech therapist today. We had waited 5 months for this appointment. His preschool teacher had asked us to have him referred, back in the fall, because he had a relatively large speech impediment....his speech was mostly limited to vowels, with nearly every word starting with M or N, whether it needed one or not. He was frustrated, we were frustrated, his teachers were frustrated, and the other kids wanted nothing to do with him, because nobody could understand him. I could, mostly, but even I had a hard time sometimes, and it led to a lot of crying and temper tantrums. I can only imagine how hard it must be to try so hard to get your thoughts across, and have nobody understand, to have people look at you and go "Oh, that's nice", in that "I don't understand you, so I'll smile and nod" sort of way.
He had his hearing tested last week, and he has perfect hearing, which was a relief....after all those ear infections in his first 8 months, before they did the surgery to put the tubes in, there was the fear that he would have some hearing loss.
Anyway, as I said, we went today, and met with the nice lady, who had him playing with toys and helping her read a story, so she could listen to his speech. First of all, she was extremely impressed with his huge vocabulary and sentence structures (he's 3 1/2)...but she noticed he could not say any of the back-of-the-mouth sounds like hard C and G, and that when he tried to say any of those words, he was compensating by scrunching up his nose really tight, in an effort to keep the air from coming out his nose. She looked at his split uvula and wrote her notes.
He got a V-tech computer for Christmas, which made a HUGE difference for him, as there is this little monkey that talks on it, and one of the activities is dealing with the sound of letters...."The S makes the sound SSSSSSS"....that sort of thing, so of course we have had nearly 2 months of him announcing to us what sound each letter makes....which has increased his letter sound capacity drastically....all but those hard C and G and that area of the mouth type sounds.
The answer we got was this....she suspects he has what is called a sub-mucal cleft...essentially a cleft of the muscles in the soft palate, as far as I can figure. This would make perfect sense, based on the fact that Husband was born with a cleft palate which required surgery at age 1 or 2. He will see one of the experts somewhere in the next 2 months who will check and confirm this. If he does indeed have this, they can do surgery which will correct it, and allow him (obviously with therapy) to talk properly and make those pesky, elusive sounds. In the meantime, he will go back to the therapist about once a week to play games which will help him to work on those sounds, in the event that it is not a sub-mucal cleft, so that maybe he will learn techniques to help himself say those needed sounds.
Finally some definite answers, some definite solutions, and we are officially in the system, so everything will get done without waiting so long now. It's been a good day.

Stacking dolls

You know the kind I mean....they used to have a little clip on Sesame Street even, where these dolls undid, danced around, then went together again. One big doll opens, a smaller one is inside. Open that one, a smaller one yet inside, and so on until one teeny one emerges.
That would be the experience I had today when my new computer arrived. After the catastrophic death of my old PC, where it took all my files with it, thanks to a short in the system that made the backup blank, we ended up ordering a Mac Mini. It arrived today in a box about the size of a Vancouver phone book. So we opened it.....to find....A BOX! So we opened it to find.....A BOX! I was laughing by that point. So we opened the box....and inside was a bunch of packaging material, and my new, itty bitty computer. It's really cute...not much bigger than a small, square lunchbox that would only hold a sandwich with a tiny bit of room to spare (as in, no drink or anything else).
The fact that I am writing this is evidence that it works (yay)...and hopefully nothing will go wrong, because, after all, I was super, extra lucky that my novel-in-progress was also on Writing.com, not just on my hard drive, and I'd hate to have to go retrieve it from there again and again, plus all my bookmarks and other stuff.....it's bad enough all my other files are gone.
We had a bunch of snow the other day, which I got shoveled off the driveway and walk....just in time for it to snow again today. That should make papers fun tomorrow....heavy papers and a pile of unshoveled walks. Oh joy. But at least this should hopefully be my last winter of doing this. Now off to bed.

Dreams and Such

I am sick again. A cold now. The kind that makes you sniffle and snuffle, cough and blow, and sucks every molecule of energy out of your body. But that's okay. I called in sick to work this morning, because I just couldn't muster the energy or willpower to haul those heavy bundles around for 2 1/2 hours in -51C windchill. I got up, I got dressed, I drove over there....but just couldn't do it, I was out of energy, feeling like dirt, and very cold. So I read my bundle toppers at each drop to make sure I had all the info, and called in sick (and yes, I did tell them that I was up and out and had changed my mind).
So why is it so okay that I am sick? Mainly because I am less stressed than I have been recently about my house. Thanks to a one-year tv ban that we as a family have decided to embark on, replacing satellite with passes to the local rec centres, there is more time, less distraction....for everybody. I have been getting a bit more help around the house, and thanks to my f-i-l, I also have a new vacuum that really sucks (in the good sense), and have managed to get the upstairs fairly clean (though it's not as sparkly today, with me being sick and only spot cleaning instead of scrubbing bathtubs and such like yesterday and the day before), and a lot of the laundry done, which is a huge accomplishment after everyone getting the stomach flu one day after each other, creating a giant pile of sheets and towels and bedding and clothes that got puked or pooped on, in addition to the usual Mount Washmore.
So I was able to crawl feebly back into bed and dream for awhile this morning....which leads to the dreams part.
Some people say dreams mean stuff, and I really have to wonder what this dream means. For some reason, lately, I have been dreaming about someone....a reunion in this particular dream. It's odd, because I really don't think I have been pondering on this person much....they live a very long way away, and quite honestly have not talked to me or made contact in any way over the past few years. I have not even SEEN this person for....probably about 10 years now, give or take.
In this dream, I am in some strange place, a shelter, maybe? But it's a comfortable place. That much I know. There are a lot of people there, who I seem to know, but am not sure if actually exist in real life, because I don't remember who else was in the dream. Anyway....in this dream, this person is suddenly where I am. They have come back from the far off place, and they see me. This person is very surprised to see me, and in fact pleased to see me, and incredibly impressed with who I am now, I guess both physically and maturity-wise. In my dream I am very happy about this, and very surprised by his pleased surprise, and his sudden higher regard for me....and for some reason I am slightly taller than him, and that impresses him. Weird.
But in my dream, I am still married. I still have my children. It is not a romantic type dream, more of a searching dream, kind of a this-is-who-I am, who-are-you now? sort of thing. I am very pleased he has come, and very pleased at his reactions. I am somewhat....at a loss, I suppose, as to how to react to this person in my dream, a happy yet sad reunion. I want to appear my best for this person, but am not sure why. In my dream I am not sure what he wants from me, or why he is so pleased by who I am, but it was a very good dream that I really wish I could have finished, like a good book....I want to know the ending, the answers to why, what happened, maybe a bit more as to who this person became (in my dream).
And now that I am awake, I find myself seriously wondering what the real person has become now, what he looks like now, how his life is going (beyond what he does for a job....that I know....and where)....and what he really WOULD think of me if we met again, now. What would I think of him? And wondering why it matters, and where the dream and wonderings came from. I have to think about this some more. It just seems somewhat....important, somehow.

News of the Stupid

Due to illness and "stuff", it's been a bit since I last posted, but I have three items to blog about, that seem to fit well under my chosen title.
You really have to wonder about some people, you really do.
"AND YOU ARE MAD *WHY*???"
Here is the story about a young man. This young man decided it would be a good idea to try to beat a train. The guard rail had already come down, and the train was essentially to the crossing. This young man was riding his bike, and thought he could make it, I guess. He plowed up to the guard rail on his bike, and luckily for him, said guard rail bumped him off the bike. Bike ends up under the train. Man does not. Train engineer, of course, has to stop the train, back it up, out of the crossing, so as not to tie up traffic while he writes out his incident in triplicate and so on. The grateful young man's way of showing how happy he is not to be a grease spot on the tracks? He flips off the poor, I'm sure extremely shaken, train engineer. Hellloooooo idiot! The engineer didn't tell you to try beating his train, he did not try to run over your bike that you so idiotically tried to ride across the tracks. You should be hanging your head in shame and kissing the ground you walk on for the guard rail that saved your sorry life.
"ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN A FACTOR"
I'm sure all, or at least most of you, have heard about this one. Man in his 20's is taken to hospital in the wee hours of the morning with severe frostbite and hypothermia, poorly dressed for the -51C windchill we had this past week. 8 hours later, he asks about his children, who, up to this point, nobody knew were missing or even existed. They are eventually found frozen to death. Alcohol was a factor. These poor babies (1 and 3) were only dressed in t-shirts and diapers. How much pain did they have to be in before they died? How long did they suffer before the cold mercifully put them into unconsciousness and ultimately death? What person takes their children outside, dressed like that, in winter, no matter WHAT the temperature? I saw that there are those who are asking for him to have a light sentence because of the emotional trauma he must be going through. I disagree. That may make me heartless, but I'm sorry....you killed your own kids out of your own sheer stupidity and drunkenness. "I was drunk" is not an excuse in my book. Ever. For anything. You do the crime, you do the crime. How must that poor mother feel? She lost both her babies, that she carried inside her, BOTH of them, all at once. She never even got to say goodbye. And due to the drunkenness of her husband. That's got to be a hard reality to face for her. And for him. This story had me in tears, as I delivered it as front page news on the newspapers. It had and has me sad, and furious, and in a certain state of disbelief. And just think of the poor RCMP officers whose job it was to find, and remove, those poor, tiny, frozen bodies from the snow. I couldn't do it. Not in my wildest dreams, or in this case, nightmares, could I ever do that job.
"WE WILL BE CHECKING UP ON YOU"
This is an extremely personal story, and as such, will come across as pretty much a vent. We have a Dog. Dog loves us and we love dog. She is our baby, and we spoil her rotten.
The other night, Daughter and I had to go out. Husband was sick, and stayed at home with Son. I put Dog out around 6PM, thinking she would scratch at the door a few minutes later, as she always did, so Husband could let her in. But she didn't.
7:30 comes. Daughter and I are preparing to head home when Husband calls, practically in tears. He cannot find Dog anywhere. Poor sick guy had even bundled up and searched the backyard, neighbour's backyard, under the deck where Dog likes to hide, and up the street. Daughter and i drive the neighbourhood, looking for a black dog at night. No luck. I send Daughter inside, go up and down the street yelling for Dog. A few minutes later, Dog shows up in backyard, magically. I realize Dog had been in next door's house because she is all toasty warm and reeking of cigarettes. We are extremely relieved, as we had thought she'd somehow escaped, run off, and would freeze to death in the -51C windchill. They had fed her something while she was there, and whatever it was gave her diarrhea so bad, it looked like she was peeing hot chocolate out her butt.
I typed up a nice note the next morning (because they work odd shifts and I didn't want to wake anyone by knocking on the door) to say I was thankful they had taken her in, explaining the situation (Husband was sick, I had let Dog out thinking she'd scratch, etc, Husband thought she was inside since she didn't scratch....), and that I would fix the hole in the fence (how she got there in the first place) right away, and if it happened again, please let us know right away and to please not feed her anything anymore because it had made her sick and messed with her feeding schedule, and thanks again.
Next thing I know, that afternoon, Animal Control shows up at our door, saying there had been a complaint that we were constantly leaving our dog out for long periods of time, unattended, in very cold weather, and that she was malnourished! They drove up to our house in their marked van, wearing their huge letter emblazoned jackets, and demanded to see our dog and our backyard. We complied, as I tried to explain to them that we do NOT leave our dog out for long periods of time, ESPECIALLY in weather like this. They, of course, didn't believe me. They told me her doghouse was insufficient because it wasn't insulated. (She's an indoor dog who doesn't really use one anyway) The guy felt her side and said he could sense ribs and so we had to fatten her up. The amount they told us to feed her was unbelievable! We were told to feed her 6 cups of kibble PLUS potatoes and rice and bacon grease each DAY! According to our dog food bag, that would be about what you would feed a dog of about 150-200 pounds. She is 60 pounds. For her breed and size, she is supposed to be 55-70 pounds. Her breed is the type where you are SUPPOSED to sense ribs if you feel along the side. Not see them, but feel them. She is shiny, she is happy, her trainer says she's an excellent size with good, strong muscles, her vet at her last visit said she was a good size....we bought the new, insulated doghouse. That is a fight we will not win, and if having it in our yard will make them happy, so be it....but the dog is afraid to go in it. And she stays outside all of MAYBE 20 minutes maximum each time. But whatever. As to the fattening her up part, that we are going to fight. Anyone who really knows what they are talking about in terms of dog size and weight will back us up, we will go get documentation from the vet, if that is what it will take. And we want them to close the file. We don't need them driving past, peeking into the backyard at regular intervals to see if we have left her out to freeze or whatever stupid fiction our neighbours have come up with. We do not neglect our dog. When it's cold, we even try to convince her NOT to go outside! She eats like a pig, and just happens to be high energy, and built for speed. It's just the type of dog she is!
My theory on why they did this? When we got Dog, their two dogs barked nearly incessantly through the fence at her. She does not bark back, only barking when someone goes by on the hill behind our beck fence. I think someone complained on their dogs (no, it wasn't us), because they bark at anyone and everything that moves. One board in our fence got broken. I think it was one of their dogs trying to get through to our dog, but I can't prove it. Our dog just wants to stick her nose through the gaps, wag her tail, and squeak at them, or run up and down along the fence, as if they were playing tag with no contact. In any case, I've seen their dogs in our yard, and now our dog got into theirs. I boarded that sucker up with heavy pine so nothing is getting through. And that is the end of good relations with the neighbours. Anyone who won't come and knock on my door if they have an honest concern about my dog and who deems it necessary to automatically call in someone who has the power to strip my dog away from her stable, loving home, is certainly NOT someone I want to have anything to do with. You have a problem with something I'm doing? You come TALK to me about it! Or write me a nice note.
For the record, my canine baby loves popcorn, playing tug-of-war, chewing bones, sleeping on the couch while being petted, licking everyone who stays still long enough, and eating pretty much anything, anywhere, anytime. She's a soppy thing, and we love her with everything we've got....so much so that we're willing and ready to fight tooth and nail over this horrible, and false, accusation. We would never, ever, under any circumstances, abuse, neglect, or otherwise hurt our baby....I mean Dog!

Shaken, not stirred

Despite my cutesy title, this will be one of my serious posts.
I am feeling quite shaken lately.....in my faith, that is. I can't really pinpoint where it started, it's just been an accumulation of things, I suppose.
I am finding it difficult to hang on to the faith that used to be so easy, so much a part of me. I have spent the last few days asking for signs, asking for ANYTHING, really.
Over the past few years, it has seemed that either I'm too bad for God to grant me anything, God isn't the way everyone has portrayed Him....or He isn't there at all.
Now before people jump on me, believe me, I am struggling pretty hard with this one, especially since this has been somewhat the core of my life thus far. And I'm sure most,if not all of this struggle is my own fault.
Things just don't seem to add up anymore. I am considering removing myself from the worship team at church because, quite frankly, I don't belong there right now. I'm not up there for the right reasons anymore. I'm up there because I love the singing.
A part of me knows that God MUST be out there SOMEWHERE....but a part of me is stumbling around, wondering....
I don't FEEL God, I don't SEE God, I can't even say I really KNOW God....and God doesn't seem to be there for me, either. Bible verses contradict what I see. Some passages have me thinking He is definitely NOT the loving God people claim He is, if He's even there.
For example, it says where two or three are gathered, He is there. What you ask for will be granted. Then why is it that scores of people have prayed for a certain person in my life to be healed of a mental/maybe spiritual affliction for YEARS...and the result fluctuates between either nothing happening at all, to the point that this person doesn't even talk about the issue, or the person takes a step in faith, trying to face whatever this is, and having it be a horrifying experience that turns them off for months, even years, from even thinking of trying to face it again.
I pray for the health of my family, and they all get sick with tonsillitis, bronchitis, pneumonia!
I pray a prayer of thanks for a contract that would allow us to pay off some debt, cover recent dental and eyesight costs, and allow me to be a stay-at-home mom full-time for awhile.....and the contract is renegged.
I pray for adequate rest, and end up more busy and more tired.
I pray that I would finally have the wherewithall to get my house clean, and get sick, tired, uninspired, and the entire family somehow forgets to put ANYTHING away and drops it all wherever it falls and the house looks like a bomb hit, when we are expecting company in a few days' time.
I understand that sometimes God says "no", but when the answer is ALWAYS no, you start to wonder if either God has it in for you, or He isn't there to begin with.
As to the part about God not being what they say he is...why would a loving God harden people's hearts so they'd go to Hell if we are supposed to have free will? (Pharaoh in Exodus) Why would a God who tells us it's wrong to murder tell all those armies in the old Testament to go out and slaughter everybody in their way in a quest to obtain land? Why would a loving God who wants everyone to be with Him allow someone to suffer so badly every time they hear about Him that they block it all out during the time, have such a violent bodily reaction during it, and as a result completely avoid the concept afterwards?
I really don't know where I stand right now. I know you aren't supposed to test God, but I'm desperate, I need to know one way or another in MY mind, in MY heart, not from someone else. I am feeling very discouraged because I "set out a fleece" a few days ago, one of those heart-wrenching "If you're there, God, then PLEASE do THIS to prove it!" things....and nothing. Universe shuddering silence.
I just don't know anymore.

It was torture....STOP LAUGHING!

Okay, I am going to write this, and those of you who know me from high school are probably going to get a good chuckle out of this one...
Over the Christmas break, I had some issues with my throat. In the end, I was cured by a strong antibiotic. I finished said pills on Wednesday. Now here is where you high school chums start the grinning and snickering....you know when you get a prescription from Shopper's, they give you that sheet that lists side effects and drug interactions, do-s and don't-s? Well, this particular one says do not consume coffee while on this medication.
Yes, boys and girls, the drug was going STRAIGHT for the achilles heel, a blessing and a curse all wrapped in one. And I had to take it for ten, count 'em, TEN days!
Day one wasn't too bad, just a faint (well....maybe not so faint) longing to drink my coffee. The next few days were sheer torture. Add the desire for the coffee with all the withdrawal symptoms, peaking at about day 4 with absolute cravings, daydreaming about sweet, creamy, steaming mugs of coffee. I must have been really annoying to Husband, as I must have said a million times, over the ten days, how terribly much I really wanted a cup of coffee. I was practically climbing the walls for want of it. Who needs hard drugs when you can do coffee?
In any case, I made it through the ten days and brewed up my pot of coffee yesterday the moment I got back from papers....Dickens Toffee flavour (for any of you coffee hounds out there who have access to a Save-On-Foods, they have amazing flavours of beans sometimes....I have to go to Edmonton to get mine). I think I had 3....maybe 4? mugs of the stuff. It was really nice.
And for those of you who like to know how crazy I am....my freezer currently holds 7 types of coffee beans...Dickens Toffee, Coconut Fiesta, German Chocolate Mint, Pecan Delight, Raspberries and Cream, Swiss Chocolate Almond (I think....it's chocolate SOMETHING, anyway....), and dark roast.
So there you go. I've made some of you laugh at me, some go "Whoa! She's weeeeeeird!", and some are shaking their heads at me in either mild amusement or mild distain. :) Now I think I'll go have a cup of coffee. All this typing has made me thirsty.

How NOT to treat your customers

For the past day, I have been berating myself for not speaking up on this issue, but being shy, I didn't have the guts to say what needed to be said to the person at the time.
I went to a liquidation store, specifically to find a new blender, knowing I would need one today, since I had a root canal done this morning, and knew how sore my jaw would be from previous experience, plus I had read that it's best not to chew with a newly done tooth. Anyway....
I was lined up to pay and the following scene unfolded before me....
Man walks into the store, approaches cashier. Explains he had been in earlier, to return a calculator, and was told he had to have the receipt. Man had gone home, dug up said receipt, and driven back to the store. Man provides faulty calculator in original packaging with receipt. Cashier refuses to exchange it. Man tells cashier the manager said he could. Cashier calls manager, manager says yes, that is correct. Cashier slams down phone and starts berating customer, saying it's just a lousy $2 calculator, she shouldn't have to exchange it, etc. Man points out the calculator does not work, simply wants a replacement. Cashier starts on this huge tirade about how he should have brought it back 1-2 days after purchase, and says as far as she is concerned, she is in charge and doesn't have to do anything. Meanwhile there is a sign saying the store will happily exchange faulty items with receipt within 30 days. It had been about 20 days, I assume the man had been off on Christmas holidays, etc.
Man stalks off in hopes of finding the replacement calculator down another aisle. Cashier goes "Oh yeah, go off and cry over a lousy $2!". The other people in line are starting to get a little upset by this, and start taking the man's side. Cashier then starts arguing with each and every customer about it, and complaining to every customer about it who didn't say anything yet.
My opinion is such: This woman should be fired. This woman had no right to say the things she did, no right to treat a customer that way, no right to argue with a whole line of people, and certainly no right to be whining about it to everyone with ears as she went along. The man had every right to return the item for exchange, the sign was right there to say so, and maybe it was just a $2 calculator, but $2 is still $2.
If I'd had the guts to do what I wanted to do, I would have told her exactly what I thought of her behaviour, I would have demanded to talk to the manager, and I would have walked out, leaving my items right where I had stood, loudly declaring I would not buy from a store that would not only not follow its own return policies, but would heap on the verbal abuse as well.
But I am a chicken. Bock, bock. I meekly paid for my purchases, listened dumbly to her ramblings about the poor man, and left. The sad thing is that I had Daughter with me. No child should have had to listen to that kind of behaviour!

A new year begins!

I am so far behind in this blog because 2007 went out in a busy way, not all of it positive.
To briefly catch up, we all got sick for about a month. I had tonsillitis, a bunch of not-so-good doctors, and a recent relapse which has, thankfully, finally been properly treated with strong antibiotics.
I have to phone the dentist to see if being on the antibiotics will mean I am not able to have my root canal next week.
The kids and Husband are finally recovered or recovering from colds, flus, bronchitis, pneumonia.....as I said, 2007 went out with a bang.
Husband had a big contract that would have allowed me to quit papers and just be a stay-at-home-Mom until Son was in school full time, but that fell through, so I am back to papers and once again working towards the goal of an old second hand car.
It was cold this morning. Despite being wrapped up, I still have hives all over my legs from the cold reaching my legs somehow. (What a weird allergy to have, eh?)
We had a good Christmas. We went to the in-laws' for a little less that a week, saw my sister and b-i-l, took the kids to Drumheller to the dinosaur museum on the way back....it was a lot of fun, and quite honestly a bit mind-boggling, looking at all the real dinosaur bones.
In any case, here we are in 2008. Eight years ago I had just held somebody else's twin babies and started yearning desperately for babies of my own. 23 days from now, Daughter will turn 7. 43 days from now, I will have been married 8 1/2 years. 45 days from now, Son will be 3 1/2. I look back and wonder where the time went! Neither of my babies look like babies anymore!
2008 is going to be a big year. Daughter will be 7. Son will be 4. I will have been married 9 years. My parents will be moving here. My parents will have been married 37 years. My brother might move here and go back to school. I will get to see some friends I have not seen in years. I will get to go to Montreal and show my kids places I've been and things I've seen and done there. And my one major resolution (I don't really make them, so I guess it's more of a goal), is that I will lose my extra weight (about 54 pounds as of today) before I go on my big trip in November. Oh.....and another big one would be to work hard on making my marriage the best it can be and finding a way to separate it from my Mommy-hood.

Who Says I Have to Grow Up?

The fun thing about having kids is that you get to ACT like one, sometimes even in public. I took Son to see Little Bear live on stage the other day. Sitting in the vast auditorium with all the other parents and kids-under-5, and of course, my son, we had a blast. We yelled and called out for characters when told to do so, we waved our star wands (fibre optic lighted wands), sang and danced with the songs....I mean, come ON! How often do you get to scream like a fool at the end of a show, deep, philosophical comments like "BYE CAT! BYE DUCK! BYE OWL! BYE EMILY! BYE LITTLE BEAR! BYE ZEPHYR!" and not have people looking at you as if you've spilled your brains out along the highway somewhere.
Speaking of which....getting there was not fun. There had been a several car pileup along the highway on the way to the show. Three lanes of traffic squeezed down to one while the police, fire engine, tow trucks, and squished cars got themselves all sorted out. I pity the poor policeman that had to plant himself in the middle of the highway, in the dark, and try to not only direct these three lanes of traffic into one, but also try not to get hit by the fools who were trying to pass the accident without looking for him. I mean, I was going something like 5kph, and even *I* had trouble seeing him. The show people were very smart....they postponed the start of the show by about 15 minutes to allow for us poor people who got stuck on the highway to squeak through and get there. Little kids are not known for being particularly understanding about things like "Gee, I'm sorry, you missed the first part because of the traffic".
Speaking of bears and animals and such, our animals are sure costing us a lot of money these days! We had to take Dog in to get a shot so she is allowed to stay in the kennel over Christmas. That was not cheap. And Big Cat has to go in for surgery next week because he has a lump on his leg. The surgery and the following analysis of said lump is going to run us about $450. Ouch! But he's our sucky baby, so we are going through with it, and obviously hoping it won't turn out to be cancer.

I Just Couldn't Do It!

Anyone who knows me knows I don't like the cold weather.
Today was day 3 of a cold snap....the basic temperatures aren't TOO bad, based on winter (I think it was about -20C this morning), but the wind bites pretty hard. (It's ranged between -31 and -40C)
I got up this morning to do my papers (121 today), not feeling my best. Got dressed and dragged my butt out there, in a parka, wool socks, boots, gloves, ski mask type hat. Drove to the pick up location. No papers. So I climbed back into the car to wait, still not feeling great. I sat there for about half an hour, maybe a bit more, before the truck came and dumped off the bundles....11 bundles of 10, 1 bundle of 11. I shakily got out of the van and went to load them up into my vehicle...got about 4 bundles loaded and just stopped and stared at them for a minute. I was so cold and miserable I couldn't even think. Even dressed as I was, even having sat in the car, my toes and fingers were in deep pain from being frozen.
I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't. So I unloaded the 4 bundles again, called the office and left a message that I was sick. Came home and sent an e-mail to my boss-of-the-week, letting him know I had called in sick, and asking for a smaller route instead, for future days, as cold, timing, snow, and health have been causing problems for me, mostly in terms of finishing on time.
I sat at the computer for an HOUR....and was still frozen. So I filled the tub with water as hot as I could stand (which is pretty hot, I might add) and hopped in. I soaked for at least half an hour....and when I got out, I was STILL frozen in the middle!
It is now 4 hours since I got home, 2 1/2 hours since the bath. I am still a bit chilly, exhausted beyond description, stiff jointed, my muscles are fatigued and sore....and I didn't even DO anything!
I was talking with Husband about how my job (which I have been doing on and off for at least 5 years, minus maternity leave and several weeks of time off due to injury of a wrist and stitches in an ankle)just doesn't seem to be working for me anymore. I used to enjoy it, now I dread it every day. He gave me an option....with a big contract he got recently, if I forego getting my clunker of a car in the spring, then as soon as he gets paid for this contract, I can quit. I am thinking this will be a good idea....I will get full nights of sleep instead of a short sleep plus a nap, and I will have that extra time to work on keeping the house the way it should be and to spend more time with the kids and Husband....and I think it will definitely reduce my fatigue level, boost my health, likely help my mood and my interactions with others....all in all, I'm thinking it would be worth it to stay a one-car-family for awhile longer, in trade for my sanity and health, and focus on being a stay-at-home mom full-time for awhile.
I hope he gets paid quickly.

I Forgot!!!!

I just realised, thanks to an e-mail from a friend, that I never posted about how the show went! Oops!
The show went really well. We had 304 people in the audience, and it seemed to be well received, based on the comments people got afterwards.
Daughter and her friends did a wonderful job as the "Kidz Chorus" and have begged to be allowed to do something like this again. I wholeheartedly agree....they were a great addition to the show and did such an amazing job.
We older folks had a great time, too, and other than the fact that the lighting guys had no clue how to run the lights properly, despite the technical run through the night before, I think it went forward without a hitch. It certainly flew by, time wise! We reached the intermission, and as we were changing, were panicking, thinking maybe we had forgotten a song or something. It was an absolute blast, and my double quartet did a great job of "Silent Night"....my debut as a tenor (I am a lead in the chorus).
Coming up in a few weeks, we (the chorus) are singing at a seniors' home and at the Rotary Carol Festival....it's too bad that one or more of our double quartet will not be coming, or we would have been singing a song at the home! Oh well....maybe the next performance.
I had a few parts where I was out front, ahead of most of the chorus. It was a lot of fun. My first part was as a drunk person hanging out with others in a pub. Considering that is soooooo far from my reality, it was a real hoot, swaggering and swaying as we sang "Oom-Pah-Pah". The second part, right after, I was an orphan, again part of a small group, singing "Where Is Love".

Now....HOW ABOUT THOSE RIDERS!!!!!!!! Woo-hoo!!!!!! We went to a Grey Cup watching party at church last night, where they had it projected on the basement wall and big screens in the sanctuary. Pot luck supper and football. :)
We were hooting and hollering and cheering and groaning....it was a real blast. We were a little concerned at the beginning, and it was a very close game in the end (and for those who don't know, there is a HUGE ongoing rivalry between the Bombers and Roughriders, so the fact they were playing each other for the Grey Cup was excitement enough to start with!), but we sure are proud of our team! They played their hearts out and it paid off. :)
Husband already has his ticket for Grey Cup next year, so all of you out East, get ready, because we are COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Tonight's The Big Night, Julius! Tonight's the Biiig Night!

I always loved the bird saying that particular line in the original "Nutty Professor", the one with Jerry Lewis.
And tonight IS the big night! Tonight Daughter and I take the stage and perform our hearts out for an audience that could be as large as 1000, I think. I can't remember how many seats the theatre has, and I don't know how many tickets were sold and/or how many people are buying them at the door. I do know there will be 4 people in the audience who I sold tickets to. And with 40-something other members of the chorus, plus parents of the "Kidz Choir" (and grandparents, relatives, etc), there are bound to be at least 150, at the most pitiful. (And I highly doubt it will be that small of an audience.)
Daughter is kind of nervous, especially after last night's technical run-thru where she discovered we are having spotlights and such pointed at us at various points. But they have worked so hard, and they are bound to steal the show from us so-called professionals. After all, who can resist a bunch of kids in pj's, holding stuffed animals, and singing really well? :)
I must admit I am not nervous....not yet, anyway. After 6 rounds of competition and 3 or 4 shows, plus the yearly performances at seniors' homes and the carol festival, plus the paid (and unpaid) performances we get now and then, nerves don't really play a big part anymore. We've practiced, we have beaten the songs and choreo and timing and staging to death by this point. We know it, it's ready, if we mess up, oh well. Besides, we also learn how to fake it when something goes wrong so hardly anybody notices if we do. And if they do notice, people are generally good enough to shrug it off and let it slide. It's going to be a lot of fun tonight. I love singing, and I have a little bit of time in the spotlight, though obviously not by myself. It's a big night for me. If we can pull off our little spotlight moment, a number of us have the chance to go on and perform again, together, in future performances, and potentially eventually go on to perform for events! This is apart from the big group, so as I said, this is major stuff for us (and me)....I love it!

What a perfect choice!

I took Daughter to the movies today. We both wanted to see "Mr Bean's Holiday". Now, we went to that one because we liked his silly antics, and were in the mood for mindless giggles. So we arrived, bought our popcorn, junior mints, and drinks, and waited. Much to our surprise, it was the perfect movie for more than the reason we had expected...
The basic plotline is that Mr Bean wins a vacation to Southern France, things go wrong, as they always do, and his trip is much more complicated than he anticipated, but he is determined to get there.
We all know Mr Bean really doesn't say much more than a few muttered lines, most of his work is of the physical nature. But what about the other characters in the movie? To our delight, we found ourselves watching a movie that was essentially in French, with subtitles! For Daughter, who is in French Immersion, it was a real treat, because she got to watch a movie in French, but was still able to understand because her reading is sufficient enough to catch most of the subtitles. For me, I just love French, period, and didn't need the subtitles unless somebody spoke really fast or mumbled.
We both drove home happy, chatting back and forth in a mixture of English and French, with Daughter begging to be allowed to speak only French with me. I, of course, explained that wasn't going to work, since she didn't quite have the vocabulary to do so....but that we could certainly speak in French once in awhile, and eventually she would understand most, if not everything, I would say to her.
I'm sure Husband would appreciate our not always talking in French as well, as he is not really a languages sort of guy,so doesn't know a lot of French, and would probably start worrying that we were plotting a hostile takeover behind his back, in front of his face. LOL
My review of the movie, by the way...it's really good. If you like Mr Bean in any way, shape, or form, definitely see this film. It's cute, it's funny, and it really does have a storyline to it, beyond the getting to Southern France part.

I Did My Part

Yesterday was the provincial election. I put in my vote, and although my candidate did
not win in my riding, the party won the election. I am very happy about this. I am hoping this new premier will be able to keep his promises, and that things will improve in certain areas. At the very least, it is good to have some fresh ideas and new people to take a stab at running this wonderful place we live in. For it IS a wonderful place to be, it is beautiful....it just needs a bit of housekeeping to make it run even smoother. It was nice to see that so many people actually took the initiative this time to give their say. A lot more people voted this time than last time. It is good to see that people are getting out of the mindset of "why bother, my vote will not change anything" (my apostrophe isn,t working today)...in some ridings the results were very close that just a few people COULD have changed the results if they had simply chosen not to vote.
I have a full blown head cold today...got it from my poor family, 2 of which are down with bronchitis. I looooooove Vicks Vaporub. And Buckleys. Yes, Buckleys. I love that stuff. I seriously don't understand why everyone says it's so bad!
The kids are now home from school for a 5 day weekend. Luckily for me, it snowed last night. :) They are happily frolicking around the backyard with Dog while I get a few things done. When they tire of that, maybe I'll get them (hey! it's working again!) to play on the Wii or something, and then Daughter can watch Belle et la Bete, which she borrowed from the library. She's doing great with her French.
I have created a new plan for my days, to help myself get back on track (in combination with an herbal supplement that boosts your mood). If I can follow it, even loosely, I should hopefully have the house clean and running smoothly in a couple of weeks, and be feeling more rested, too. I get to be a kid and take naps after lunch. Hee hee.
Anyway, I'd better get going on following this plan of mine....running a bit off schedule. Today I hope to get the upstairs, maybe minus the kitchen, done before lunch. Wish me luck! :)

Sick and tired...

of being sick and tired. I have not been feeling well for about a month now. Up and down, between colds, coughs, general feeling green, aches, pains, exhaustion...some days are better than others. Today is not one of them. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I had cancer or something, because then I'd have a definite SOMETHING to blame it all on....but then I retract that thought because nobody REALLY wants cancer.
I think this is my version of a mid-life crisis. I have no energy, no motivation to do the stuff I need to be doing, no "oomph". I don't enjoy doing papers anymore, I don't want to cook, clean, eat, or do anything at all. I want to sleep forever, or at least for about 3 days straight, not have to worry about the kids, Husband, Dog, or cats, not have to do ANYTHING. Every muscle and joint in my body hurts. Emotionally I'm feeling a little tender, but that's also related in part to the feeling sick, sore, and tired.
But I don't get to take a day off. It's not in the job description of Mom/wife/homemaker/substitute paper carrier. If I don't do the job, the world crumbles. Kids don't get fed/dressed/off to school, house doesn't get cleaned, dishes don't get washed, laundry doesn't get done, animals don't get cared for, people don't get their papers on time and I get the complaints when I return to work, even though it was somebody else doing the papers on the day they are complaining about. And of course if I don't work, I don't get paid, and as Husband has made fairly clear, if I want a rust bucket to drive around in the spring, I have to work forever. If I don't get the rustbucket, I still have to work until April. I feel trapped.
On top of home life is everything else. It's like that song on "Oklahoma".....I'm just a girl who can't say no. I am the one who takes Dog to obedience class, I help lead the singing on Sundays every few weeks, which means a practice on Wednesday nights, then being at church 9:30 Sunday for a run through, getting out at 12:30 (at which point we have a quick-ish lunch and then drive Daughter to her chorus practice at 2) and having to be back again at 5:30 for the evening service which goes until about 8. If Husband is working, I have to get Daughter to Sparks one night a week. The kids have gymnastics once a week. I have chorus practice for 3 hours each week. I am on the Board, so that's another evening gone each month. I recently put together the programme for the upcoming show. I have been asked to help with Membership, I am going to be helping with the fitness challenge at chorus. I'm getting to the point where I wish I could just tell everyone, including my household, to just screw it, and then just walk away. But that wouldn't be very nice, now would it? Oh well. Maybe one of these days I'll snap and they'll put me in a mental hospital where I can get some rest. Insanity never sounded so good.

We-Are-Fa-mily

On a day like today, when I am coming down with something like the flu, it's always nice to find something happy to talk about. Today is just a short one. This summer, i was privileged to attend a family reunion. Coming from a small family (Mom, Dad, 4 grandparents, 1 uncle, 1 aunt, 2 cousins, 2 siblings, I had to marry into a big family to attend one. :) It was a lot of fun, and I got to be a part of the family photo. I will attach it for your pleasure. :)

Sorry if it's sideways....if I figure it out, I'll fix it later.

Dog Training 101

Well, last night was our first class of dog training. It certainly was an experience, and explained a lot about our dog as well.
The first thing the teacher had us do was to curb our instinct and just let the dogs of the class interact with each other uninhibited. That was hard, especially when you end up with two dogs having a disagreement. And one of those dogs was mine.
Basically what was happening was that the dogs were all meeting and greeting each other, and establishing pecking order. There were 5 dogs in all. Lowest on the totem pole was a big german shepherd. She wouldn't even come into the class, the other dogs had her so scared. Next up was a golden retriever who basically lay down in submission, tail tightly under her, in front of all the rest. Third was a little "puddle" (half pug, half poodle....actually a cute dog) who didn't really assert herself too much, but wasn't cowering much either. Second place went to a bull terrier (remember Spuds Mackenzie?) who thought he was the top dog and wanted everyone to know it....but top dog went to our silly thing. She wasn't having any of it. I am ashamed to say my furry daughter gave a classmate a bloody nose on her first day of school. LOL.
My dog was top dog and she was not about to back down. Morris (second place) kept jumping up to try to get her to submit, trying to get his head above hers. She just jumped up right with him, placed her paws on his back, and smushed him into the floor with her feet until he rolled to the side in submission. Over and over this scene played, until finally he stayed down with her having one paw on his shoulder....but he did get a bloody nose in the process because they did have a brief growl-bite-and-scratch argument amidst the jumping and holding down for submission. It was VERY obvious that our dog was the dominant one, and everybody, dog, owner, and trainer could see it. Morris, however, is stubborn, and kept trying to argue the point, to no avail. *grin*
The fact that she sees herself (and has proven herself) as top dog explains a lot of her behaviour, both towards me and towards the cats. We had originally thought she was a bit thick, that as much as the cats yowled and growled and swiped and protested, she just kept trying to get them to play....now we see it's actually an ongoing battle for rank...the cats saying "we are dominant", and Dog saying "No you're not" and back and forth like little kids....
yesiam-noyou'renot-yesiam-noyou'renot-yessiam-noyou'renot. LOL
And with me, she still needs to learn that *I* am the Alpha female around here. Heh heh
She is doing quite well, considering, for just one 1-hour class. I can now get her to lie down on command for treats. It's a start. We still have to work on walking with a loose leash and the "leave it!" command. Next week, I believe we start work on keeping them from jumping up. I sure hope it works!
Well, back to house cleaning and such.
Oh! For those of you wondering, Daughter actually did not fall on her head. Her teacher did not see the accident, so had been given false info by the others. She was doing a flip on the monkey bars at school, flubbed the dismount and smashed her face about eyebrow level into the bar on her way down. Big goose egg the first night, swelling the next day that made her unable to open her eye the whole way, which has disappeared and left her with a very colourful black eye that almost goes all the way around, but not quite. With 4 teeth missing (just from being the age she is) and the black eye, we told her she should be a hockey player for Halloween. She was less than impressed. LOL

I Told You So

Words every parent wants to say a million times over the years. But today is one of those days when we bite our tongues and give the sympathy that is so deeply needed. Daughter's teacher called a few minutes ago. During recess, Daughter was hanging upside down from the monkey bars and fell off.....onto her head. Husband has been phoned and sent off to pick Daughter up, because, according to her teacher, she has a nasty lump and is bruising up badly, and is really hurting.
I am worried. Very worried. Head injuries are not something to fool around with. I am hoping it will be nothing, but knowing it will be something....just how severe is the question.
She was told not to do that unless she was being watched/helped, until she got better at it. I guess she forgot. That's what happens at that age. So we will not say I told you so. Not this time. Not now, anyway.

I Wish

I wish for 8 hours of sleep in a row each night. What a wonderful dream....what a bunch of dreams I could have in that period of time. My sleep deprivation level is catching up to me. The past 2 years of getting up at 3:30-4AM, 6 mornings a week except the occasional day plus statutory holidays is wreaking havoc on my system. I am running on 6 or less hours of sleep a night, sometimes as little as 3 if it's a rough night.
Go to bed earlier you say? No can do....in order to get the required 8 hours, I would have to go to bed and be asleep before my kids even go to bed. Get up later? Nope. Have to be up at 3:30-4AM in order to be done on time. Nap? Nice wish? I have a zillion and one things to do each day, most of which I never even get done anyway, and each time I accidentally doze off, that is just that much less that gets done that day. I very rarely can stay awake for a one-hour tv show anymore. I zonk out partway through, and that quality of sleep is really bad, leaves me even more tired.
So I dream of a few years from now. Our finances will be better off, my paper money will not be needed, maybe by that time the kids will all be in school full time and I will get a day job, and then I can sleep normal people hours. I can go to sleep at 10 or 11 and get up at 6 or 7, and actually feel like I ACCOMPLISHED something, like I actually touched that vast well of exhaustion that is getting deeper and deeper at the present time. That will be really nice.
I have to find a decent way of bringing in some money while I stay at home with Son that does not require selling for commission or whatnot, like Melaleuca, Pampered Chef, Regal, or any web-based schmuck job, telemarketer, or whatever. Maybe I can make casseroles in individual servings and sell them, like a caterer. I dunno. I gotta get some sleep.

Beer

There's a title you don't expect to see in my blog, if you know me at all!
When I turned 18, I bought some "near beer" at the grocery store (and yes, the legal age where I was living at the time was 18). Hated it. Could not STAND it! Over the years I have not really been much of one for alcohol, sticking mostly to daquiris and pina coladas, fruity red wine, coolers. In the past few years, joining in with the pre-and post-competition parties with my roomies and chorus mates, I have expanded to Bailey's, Grand Marnier, and various other mixed drinks, but not on a grand scale, as my alcohol tolerance is pretty low. I tend to skip right over tipsy and go straight to "I don't feel so good". In a year, I probably have 4 or 5 drinks total, including competition time. But NOT beer.
Anyway, husband has joined a speech-makers group, where they learn about and practice making speeches. Husband, before I go any further, cannot have alcohol. At all. Not one drop. His liver is missing an enzyme that processes the alcohol, which meant his 18th birthday was spent in the ER...he had one beer with his friends and dropped like a stone at the table from instant alcohol poisoning.
Husband this week, needed a prop. Husband went to a liquor store and bought 2 cans of Molson Canadian cool shot! He is obviously never going to drink them, and I was somewhat curious as to why it is so popular when, in my memory, it was so bad. So with his permission (and his promise not to have any major injuries requiring me to drive him to the ER while I am under the influence), I cracked one open. Smelled it. Hmm...smells like beer, but actually doesn't smell that bad. Poured it into a glass. Looks like...well....beer. Deep breath and take a sip. Hmm....it....actually wasn't too bad! I guess "near beer" (aka .5% beer) is quite different from the real thing. So I sit here, typing a blog about beer while I slowly drink it down. My conclusion is this: It's not as bad as I thought it was, by a long shot. To a certain extent, it's kinda good. If everyone I am with is having a beer (and I have a ride home with hubby who I KNOW can be trusted as a designated driver), I might have one, too....but just one. But it still isn't something i am going to make the effort to go out and GET. I would MUCH rather have my pina coladas and such. But beer has moved up a couple of notches in my esteem. Here's to you, beer. Don't get all proud of yourself, though....you still aren't THAT great. :)